evvy's blog

Home Sweet Home!

2009-06-07T20:04:00.000-07:00

Yes, as you might have surmised, I was hospitalized for two and a half weeks (seemed like years).

At any rate, since I don't have a lap top, and MY hospital, Scripps Mercy Hospital does NOT have a library with computers for patients use, I've been rather isolated.

I was discharged a few days ago, and am now trying to get re-acclimated to my own home, hours, schedule, etc.

When I do; I'll be back here with LOTS of interesting stuff to tell you! Stay tuned...

2009-04-21T04:58:00.000-07:00

Going for another cbc this morning (went a week ago today also). No more anemia 'sneaking' up on me! Want to catch it BEFORE I need two units of blood!

2009-04-18T17:01:00.000-07:00

Am now taking Lexapro 10 mg day (was taking 5 for two months). The 10mg has had GREAT effect on anxiety. However, I'm sleeping all the time (and I don't like to sleep!). I've been taking a morning, afternoon, evening (sometimes till 1-3A and sometimes till morning) naps. Hope THIS side effect wears off soon!

Cancer Update from John Hopkins

2009-04-16T04:38:00.000-07:00

AFTER YEARS OF TELLING PEOPLE CHEMOTHERAPY IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRY (TRY-THE KEY WORD) AND ELIMINATE CANCER, JOHNS HOPKINS IS FINALLY STARTING TO TELL YOU THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY

1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells donot show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a fewbillion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no morecancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the testsare unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reachedthe detectable size.

2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime.

3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will bedestroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumors.

4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiplenutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic,environmental, food and lifestyle factors.

5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing dietand including supplements will strengthen the immune system.

6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cellsand also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow,gastro-intestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver,kidneys, heart, lungs etc.

7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars anddamages healthy cells, tissues and organs.

8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reducetumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do notresult in more tumor destruction.

9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy andradiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hencethe person can succumb to various kinds of infections andcomplications.

10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate andbecome resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also causecancer cells to spread to other sites.

11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells bynot feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply. CANCER CELLS FEED ON:
a. Sugar is a cancer-feeder.By cutting off sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar substitutes like NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc are made with Aspartame and it is harmful. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses but only in very small amounts.Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in color. Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt.
b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in thegastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus.
c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful,especially to people with cancer.
d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains, seeds,nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkalineenvironment. About 20% can be from cooked food including beans. Freshvegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance growth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for building healthycells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).
e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine.Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer-fighting properties.Water- best to drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoidit.

12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot ofdigestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines become putrefied and leads to more toxic buildup.

13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes to attack the proteinwalls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.

14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor-ssence,Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals, EFA s etc.) to enable thebody's own killer cells to destroy cancer cells. Other supplementslike vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death,the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, orunneeded cells.

15. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor. Anger,unforgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.

16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment.Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down tothe cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.

PLEASE READ ON

1. No plastic containers in micro.

2. No water bottles in freezer.

3. No plastic wrap in microwave.Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in its newsletters. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center as well. Dioxin chemicals cause cancer, especially breast cancer. Dioxinsare highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies.Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic. Recently, Dr. Edward Fujimoto, WellnessProgram Manager at Castle Hospital was on a TV program to explain this health hazard He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us. He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers. This especially applies to foods that contain fat.He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body.Instead, he recommends using glass, such as CorningWare, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in thepaper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc. He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one ofthe reasons. Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food. Cover food with a paper towel instead.

This is an article that should be sent to anyone important in your life.

Confirmation at age 63!

2009-04-15T16:58:00.000-07:00

Lord,Fulfill your promise.Send your Holy Spirit To make us witnesses before the world.…

—Rite of Confirmation

It's one of those things that I've been thinking of doing for years, and just never got around to the actuality. Well today was the day!

I was blessed to receive the Sacrament of Confirmation Administered by: Reverend Ronald Hebert & Witnessed by Sister Ann, of Sacred Heart Parish, Ocean Beach, CA

It was a joyous occasion for me. I was walking on 'air' all day...

Another Round of Chemo Over

2009-04-10T19:02:00.000-07:00

Just finished another week (M-W-F) of VP 14 and one dose of Carbo. Think I only have one more in three weeks in this round before scans.

Had NO pain BEFORE this round (or very minimal anyway), after first dose of VP, suffered agonizing pain in rt hip, lumbar spine, rt pelvis (where major mets are in bone). Got Dilaudid pill dose doubled if needed, (and IV Dilaudid at infusion center)and a couple of times I needed it!

Docs, and very experienced Chemo nurse on unit were actually pleased! Said it meant VP was acting ON cancer cells. Doc went and compared, visually, all x-rays, said it looked to him like original lesion was smaller. And no signs of previous pneumonia. Small lights at the end of a far off tunnel...

The fatigue does not seem so bad either this time, or am I just getting used to being exhausted?

Yesterday, being Friday, was my 'long day', doses of BOTH VP and Carbo and pre-meds, so I missed all Good Friday Observances, just as I will miss Easter Mass tomorrow (but Eucharistic Minister from Sacred Heart of OB will come here), just like I missed Christmas.

I must admit to being almost completely housebound due to being auto-immune compromised is beginning to get to me, but then, I DO NOT want Shingles, or pneumonia AGAIN!

Getting done with that third day of Chemo in a week, and knowing I don't have to go back for three weeks, gives me the feeling of being let out of school for the summer! And I want to go play!

I have a 'roomie'!

2009-04-05T19:50:00.000-07:00

It's been an interesting few days. I've finally found someone to move into my extra bedroom. Her name is Geraldine and she's 50-something.

So now it's a process of getting to know each other (habits, etc) better. But it looks like we are a pretty good match.

Night help for me, and a 'home' for her; I sure hope it's a long term situation!

Now I feel like a Vampire!

2009-03-31T18:12:00.000-07:00

I spent ALL yesterday afternoon at the Scripps Mercy Infusion Room getting TWO big bags of blood. Since I didn't get home until 6:45P and in an exhausted condition, I don't know if it helped or not. Though I seem to have a little more energy today.

Maybe I'll even get enough energy to write somethin INTERESTING here...

Here's to all those blood donor's out there!

Anemic

2009-03-27T19:02:00.000-07:00

For the first time on Chemo, I am anemic. So much so that I have to go Monday and get two bags of blood! No wonder I've felt so bad lately; I have little or no energy to do anything. Therefore, I'm behind on everything...

This will kinda ruin my Monday, as I will have to spend 6 or so hours at the Scripps Mercy Infusion Center (room 831), almost as long as a 'long' Chemo day.

As with everything new, this is causing me much anxiety, even though I know it will make me feel much better.

Then the following week, back to the Chemo schedule. (I think I have two rounds left in this 'set')

Grandson Visits

2009-03-26T17:19:00.000-07:00

Michael stopped by late afternoon today. It was so good to see him! He's looking good, too.

A man now, I look at him and still see that sweet little boy. But now he's a full grown man, with a girlfriend and adult problems.

We now have adult conversations.

He is going to be moving closer to me in April, so hopefully I will get to see him more often now.

Big Boy's Day

2009-03-24T06:36:00.000-07:00

Big Boy spent almost all day inside today. It's a rarity, but sometimes it happens. He stays close to Ethel, who does interact with him. He plays with his favorite toy, a plastic circle with a tennis ball in it, it's so funny, he'll even doze off laying beside it, and reach out to hit that tenis ball every once in awhile. And he eats. He went back outside when I went to bed. So a fun day was had by all...

It Must be Nice Department

2009-03-23T06:50:00.000-07:00

The sister of a friend of mine has just been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer (It is really extensive).

They live 2,000 miles apart. The sister that lives here (retired), is going back east in April, and staying for the duration, to provide her sibling with love, support, and whatever help she can...

I guess I'm feeling envious, and sorry for myself .

It's Parrot Season Again!

2009-03-22T21:47:00.000-07:00

For the past couple of weeks, I've seen the big flocks of wild green parrots flying over in the evenings.

Ahh, but this morning, at dawn, as I was sitting at my patio door, as I frequently do to say my morning prayers, I heard a few of them 'waking & squawking'. Though many of my neighbors hate them; I find them such a joy!

It won't be long now before the whole flock roosts in the local trees and will fill the air with joyful noise at sunrise and sunset...

Listen to the parrots!

A Good Day

2009-03-18T19:14:00.000-07:00

And they are too few and far between! Either I'm ill from one thing or another, OR my time is consumed with making/going to doc appointments, arranging transportation, refilling prescriptions, applying for grants for uncovered medical expenses, etc. (the paperwork, paperwork, paperwork of being poor!)

Then too, a real 'time eater' is trying to find a qualified 'roomie' to help me out at night. Ads, phone interviews, face to face interviews, checking references, and criminal checks, all takes a great deal of time.

I'm telling you, all this 'junk', indispensable as it is fills my days.

Today though was rare and different! I crocheted for about an hour. And I spent time on my outside plants. I did some bible study, and read a mystery novel. Not to mention, a friend bought me home-made Lasagna for dinner!

The only cloud on my horizon today (and it's always there), is missing my adult children and grandchildren...

Pneumonia

2009-03-15T10:43:00.000-07:00

I seem to 'get' something awful after every round of Chemo! It's getting to the point that the Chemo side effects are much less dreaded than some weird infection that follows.

This time it was pneumonia, and I just missed getting hospitalized for it. But they sent me home with prescriptions for two antibiotics. Sure was sick for awhile though...

Saw my Oncologist last Friday, and he said no Chemo for at least two weeks. Almost made me glad that I'd gotten the pneumonia!

Two whole weeks of feeling half-way decent! Perhaps I can get caught up on some stuff, it sure piles up fast.

Busy day today, that's for sure. Getting a new bedside table (changed out by friends), it's much larger and has three drawers. My care giver will be here shortly. The Eucharistic Minister of Sacred Heart parish will be here at 1P. And I have still another interview for a 'roomie' at 5P.

Am unbelievably grateful that I'll be out of bed and have the energy to do all of the above!

More Chemo

2009-03-01T21:21:00.000-08:00

This last week M-W-F.

And I'm so weak that I can hardly get in and out of bed (spending a lot of time in bed). I know this will gradually get better, but...

For the past 3 nights, I've had people stay over in the spare bedroom. I pay them $20 cash for the night. It's an absolute necessity. And very hard to do on my $869 per month SSD.

I have a couple of friends that help me out here and there w/a $20 bill for my night 'help', and they aren't even relatives.

It would be so very great to just call an agency and get some help in here, but of course, THAT costs a LOT of money...

(If anyone out there can help, in any way, please do!)

And I have two more 'rounds' of this specific Chemo to go; one in 3 wks, and another in 6 wks, at which point I will be reevaluated.

I am trying to find a full time 'live in' for just room/board. And to find the current regulations regarding this from HUD.

Here are the current ads:

Backpage
http://sandiego.backpage.com/DomesticJobs/care_giver_companion_room_mate_live_in/classifieds/ViewAd?oid=3749832

Craigs
http://sandiego.craigslist.org/csd/dmg/1056134353.html

Poems, poems, poems!

2009-02-22T13:22:00.000-08:00

Today I spent a couple of hours posting poems to my writing blog: http://evvygarrettpoetandwriter.blogspot.com/. Just click on the 'label' Poems Published.

Then I took a nap....

I want to try to post more poems soon. Hope you enjoy them!

2009-02-19T20:53:00.000-08:00

Two doc appointments this afternoon. One to the Oncologist to schedule next Chemo (Probably next week-so don't look for many or any entries next week!), and one to a Gastroenterolist.

Although a marathon of docs exhausts me; I have to try to 'piggyback' appointments because it still costs me $9.00 round trip, and if I buy a cuppa, I spend over $10. So I really have to 'budget' my transit and doc visits.

BTW folks, it's been a very long time (over two months), since anyone has hit that PAYPAL button, so if you have a few bucks to spare...

Now I'm off to bed, and a TV movie. I may even be able to stay awake long enough to watch it!

Storm and Other Stuff

2009-02-16T07:33:00.000-08:00

We had a cold, winter storm move through here late morning and mid-day. It was a real 'gully washer', making lakes of the sidewalks, and parking areas. Amazing stuff; I do love a good storm! No thunder and lightning though, that disappointed me! The wind however, was at times severe, so I had my computer turned off most of the day...

Mostly, Lucy and I sat at the window and watched. I tried a couple of times to get Big Boy to come in, but he would not have any of it for whatever strange reasons.

I was able to stay up in my wheelchair 4-5 hrs. at a time before having to lay down to rest.

This afternoon, Laura, from The Rock Church stopped by for a nice long visit. Among other things, she bought me two pictures from the latest Rock Church Cancer Ministry fund raising events. We ended our visit with a ‘joint’ prayer, which I really appreciated.

It was during this visit that my Grandson Michael called, but when I was able to return his call, his cell was messing up, so we are still playing ‘telephone’ tag. I am concerned about him because he is one of the MILLIONS that has had his work hours cut down to almost zero, and he’s job hunting. I don’t see or hear from him NEARLY often enough!

Valentine's Day 2009

2009-02-14T22:22:00.000-08:00

I had a nice, peaceful day. Still recovering from the last Chemo, I was able to spend 3-5 hours up in my wheel chair before having to lay down and rest for awhile...

I made, and sent, an eValentine to family and friends.

Then a young woman, Rachel, from Sacred Heart Parish Young Adults group, who visits me once in awhile, bought me a beautiful bouquet of Orchids.

Towards evening, I put down some catnip for Lucy, and later Big Boy came in and 'killed' his favorite toy (a floppy stuffed animal rubbed with fresh catnip).

Sorry!

2009-02-13T08:57:00.000-08:00

That I haven't posted for so long...

I've been doing 'big guns' Chemo every three weeks, hardly have time to 'recover' when it's time to 'go' again.

But I will make this blog a priority, and try to catch up, (you will be notified of any NEW entries, even if post dated, if you are a 'follower' of this blog.) when ever I have just a little energy!

A Christmas Present from Me to Me!

2008-12-26T20:52:00.000-08:00

Every year, I buy myself a Christmas Present (Birthday too!), because otherwise I might not get one!

Often it is a 'frivolous' item I've had my eye on for awhile, perfume, etc.

This year, I went PRACTICAL, but it is something I have been wanting for years; an Emergency Response System. Yep, I now wear a 'button' around my neck that I can push if I need help.

It is not a 'national' company, but a local one, so a little less costly. That does not keep it from being 100% effective though!

I felt safer and more secure the moment it was installed...

I also got a SECOND cable box for my OLD 19" color TV in the bedroom, at the rate of $5 month, so I can watch more than the basic channels in there too. And for an additional $3 per month, I subscribed to EWTN (also something I've been wanting for years!).

So an extravagant Christmas! (But no Laptop!)

Christmas 2008

2008-12-25T20:42:00.000-08:00

I had a really nice Christmas, (with my little decorated fake ficus!), and the efforts of a few friends. Lots of food, a few visitors, and a handful of gifts to open.

A sadness was that I did not get a call or card from either of my Adult Children, nor did they take or return my calls, even my grandson Michael.

The other fly in the ointment is a UTI that will not go away. So today, on Christmas Day, I had to start on a series of 5 days of injectable antibiotic, gentamicin. This meant going to Scripps Mercy Hospital Infusion room for the medication. And it means TWO injections per day! Ouch!

My Cancer Buddy from the Rock Church is taking me for these. I am truly blessed!

Update on my Daughter

2008-12-23T22:00:00.000-08:00

It has been a Full Month since I received the ‘drop dead’ email from my daughter. (BTW, I keep that email in my 'inbox', and read it several times a day. Then I say a prayer...)

Though we had only had a handful of contacts since I was diagnosed with metastatic cancer, I enjoyed each one of them. During the short time she was around, she was a great help to me both physically and emotionally. Plus, I just plain enjoyed her company (I mostly always have), weather on the phone or in person.

Since she ‘cut me out of her life’ (again), I have emailed her, and left messages on her phone about twice a week. Alas, no response.

The thing is, I do not really know the ‘why’ of it. Nor why we cannot work out whatever the problems may be. In fact, I’m currently working privately with a MFCC who would be more than willing to work with BOTH of us, hopefully towards a resolution.

I do know I love my daughter, always have. I have tried to be there for her when she has needed me.

I also know that after my own Mom passed, I had few, if any ‘regrets’ as I spent time with her daily, took her to doc appointments, laughed with her, talked with her, watched TV with her, learned how to take care of her once she was bed bound (give pain shots, turn her in bed, etc). I also saw to it that she saw her grandchildren as often as possible. We (my kids) and I even had a ‘last’, sad and weepy, very difficult, Christmas Eve and Christmas with her in our apartment.

I cannot help feeling that my own daughter is not going to be in that position, and will have regrets the rest of her life, if we do not get some of these issues resolved. And no parent wants that visited on a child…

O Christmas Tree 2008

2008-12-12T18:13:00.000-08:00

Even though my 'fake' ficus is beginning to droop (it was a dumpster dive item about 6 years ago!), it still 'dresses' up nice for the Holidays.

What you can't see here is the huge, blinking star on the top. And there aren't any presents under the tree - yet! There IS Egg Nog (low fat!), in the refrigerator.

This little 'tree' gives me great pleasure each year. It gives me hope. And somehow, it strengthens my faith.

Some One Loves Me

2008-12-10T16:32:00.000-08:00

A Poem from a poet friend Lisa Wagner, and posted with permission, and EXACTLY as written (and thank you so very much Lisa!).

Lisa Wagner reserves all rights. She also reserves the right to revise this poem, as it was a '2nd draft'.

She don't look special to you -
You can tell she aint healthy,
unmarried and unwealthy, too!

See her, looking so heavy,
dressed almost like
a hobo's linen closet,
and un-beautiful, un-adorned
smells like a bunch of ciggaretts too!

She don't look like your mother
or your mother's mother -
sure don't look like anybody's lover.
I bet your being thankful she ain't you,
And I bet you're feeling positive -
whatever became of her,
could never become of you!

See her - movin' along in her power-chair alone;
See her skin, so pale -
You can tell she hardly ever leaves home,
and with reproach you think to ask youself,
"Would YOU?"

Look at her stuff, hangin' about her wheelchair;
an umbrella, a bag of yarn,
some blanket like overcoat, and eew - !
a bag of urine, too!

She don't look like no one special to you,
She don't look worth an ounce of your regard,
and if she gets too close;
I'm sure you're prepared and feeling rude,
don't even look her in the eyes,
she may need some help, or a word of you -

But she is special to someone.
Yea, she's not always alone -
Somebody Cares
Somebody jumps at her every whim
Somebody visits her, and hugs her.
And even kisses her too!

Yea, she's somebody special, somebody loves her -
(evvy, I do.)
And if no one else in this world
treats you kind,
pay it no sorrow, pay it no mind
Cos' I know someone else who loves you too -
He is God, our Father in Heaven
and amoung him -
You are beautiful, and worthy,
and special, too.

Shingles!

2008-12-08T20:59:00.000-08:00

Was at the Oncologists Office today. One of the things I pointed out to them was the 'rash' that was causing me severe burning, and the underlying muscles were agonizing!

They took one look at the 'rash' that ran from my belly, up my torso, and around my waist, and THEY knew what it was!

Seems Shingles is not uncommon among 'chemo' patients. (Jeeze, do I not get to miss any of this fun stuff?). At any rate, they increased my pain pills from 1 to 2, and gave me an antiviral drug - which seemed to make me feel less 'draggy' after about the third pill.

I'll sure be glad when this is healed!

Apologies

2008-12-04T16:02:00.000-08:00

I don't seem to be having much luck with apologies being accepted (or being forgiven) lately. However, I have always been pretty good about owning up to my mistakes.

First it was my daughter, she still hasn't accepted my apology, nor apparently, forgiven me.

Then there is a neighbor I definitely owed an apology too, and I've been thinking for the past couple of months on how to approach this neighbor couple. I did not want to broach them individually, but together. So in past weeks, I've made several visits to the area of their apartment, but on all but the most recent occasion, one or more of their cars were gone. Last Sunday however, they were both home, so I knocked on their door. "Who is it?” I was asked.

"It's evvy" I replied to the door. "I'd just like a minute of your time."

"For what?"

"I just felt that I really owed you guys an apology. I wanted you to know that I am sorry, if anything I said hurt or offended you. I wanted to offer a sincere apology."

Silence from behind the door. "OK" I said. If you'd like to talk about it further, just give me a call or drop by." Still silence from behind the door. So I took my leave.

Even if you admit to a 'wrong', acknowledge it, apologize for it, and/or offer to make restitution, it does NOT mean that it will be accepted. And should it be accepted, it does not mean that you will be forgiven.

I think this fact stops a lot of people from making apologies! But, it you have done something ‘wrong’, you need to acknowledge it and take steps to make it ‘right’, WITHOUT regard to the possible outcome (unless of course, if it would somehow hurt someone even worse).

And such have been my most recent experiences.

On the other hand, there are gracious, loving people like the wheel chair van driver I was surly with (too cold, too tired, too hungry). The next time I saw her, I apologized, and she not only accepted the apology, but forgave me and gave me a big hug!

I don't get many apologies coming my way, that's for sure! But when one does, I try to be gracious, accepting, AND forgiving!

I like happy endings…

UTI

2008-12-01T09:32:00.000-08:00

I spent all morning at Scripps Mercy ER. Have a UTI, including blood in my urine. Obviously, good sterile technique was not used when Catheters were switched out four days ago. Left for home thoroughly chilled (it was COLD out by San Diego standards) from sitting outside waiting for all lab results to come back, and with a rx for Leviquin and copies of my labs.

2ND Round of Chemo

2008-11-30T14:15:00.000-08:00

Was this last week, and although there were some problems (likely not chemo related), it definitely is going better than the first.

The dosage was reduced, and I only went two days instead of three. So on Monday I had Carboplatin and Etoposide (VP-16), and on Wed I just had the VS -16. (Well, on both days I had the ‘pre-meds’, decadron, zofran, etc.)

Tuesday and Wednesday, I was pretty wiped out. Wednesday I was hospitalized for 24hr for an allergic reaction I had to something (fudge that was being passed out? Saccharine that I used in my coffee and had not had for 20 yrs?).

I got home on Thanksgiving about 4PM. A friend was kind enough to bring me a LOT of holiday food. However my daughter or grandson did not put in even a ‘howdy’ visit, as I had hoped.

Friday and Saturday the ‘fatigue’ took over and I did a LOT of napping, probably a lot more napping than ‘waking’. Not much appetite either. Some numbness, (all over), but mainly in my hands, and not nearly as bad as before. Maybe I'll be able to crochet again in a few days. And of course, more hair loss!

Today I am feeling a little better. I go on this Thursday to have a CBC done, to see how the counts are doing. Wish I knew if the Chemo was working…

A Love Letter to a Daughter

2008-11-29T13:29:00.000-08:00

Recently I received an email from my adult (42 years old) daughter:

“I've decided that I can't be involved with you. Please don't email or call.

Good luck.”

Perhaps my daughter can abandon me; but I am her Mother, and will not abandon her. I never have, and never will.

Indeed, I have always been there for her, perhaps not as much or as long, as she would have liked, but there (divorce, abusive relationship, moving from another city, pregnancies, lover she found out was married, etc)

True, in past years, when she has failed to respond to emails, phone calls, even notes stuck in her door, for years at a time, I backed off. I was hurt, angry, did not understand, and reacted accordingly.

Because of my own hurt, frustration, and anger, I would call, leaving a holiday or birthday message on her machine, but my tone of voice, I’m sure, was anything but friendly. Then at some other time, I would send her a friendly email (without voice connotation). Without ‘looking’ at my hurt feelings, the reasons for RE-acting the way I did, she must think I am undependable at least, emotionally labile at worst.

Even though I am a Mother, neither of my children seem to understand that I also have feelings, the same feelings they do.

After getting my daughter’s email, I cried, and cried, and cried some more. I did not comprehend why we could not ‘talk’ about this and resolve whatever problem there was.

Then I realized that though my daughter has made a ‘decision’ (a temporary one I hope), it does not relieve me of being her Mother.

Nor does the decision she made relieve her of being my Daughter, or her brother’s sister, or ‘next of kin’ to any family member.

So, I too have made a decision! I will not refrain from calling, emailing, or even stopping by her apartment. I will not abandon her, period…

I have apologized to my daughter for any ‘wrongs’ I have done to her. I have offered to ‘make restitution’ where and if, I can. So here it is in public, for as long as cyberspace has room for it: Lisa I am sorry, and I love you. I pray that you accept my apology, that we can move forward and work this out.

My daughter recently told me that she loved her granny (Aldine Bush), who even though a redhead, was quick to forgive,forget, and love. No one ever saw me treat my mother as my daughter is treating me now. (I wonder what her grandmother would think of my daughter actions.)

I will wrap this up by including:

FROM: http://www.stjohnadulted.org/cmd_05.htm

Honor your father and your mother,
that your days may be long
in the land which the Lord your God gives you
Exodus 20:12 (RSV)

9. What if our parents are not worthy?

What if:
· our parents are not worthy? not “honorable”?
· there is on-going hurt and pain in the relationship that is detrimental or even harmful to us?
· there is a history of child abuse?

There is no simple answer to how we should "honor" our parents in such situation. In such a struggle, we should keep in mind:
· honor is a wide-ranging verb; no one specific behavior is commanded. It is open-ended.
· The commandment to honor our parents is not based upon what our parents deserve, but rather on God's direct command: “Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you. . .” (Deuteronomy)
· Maimonides: “It is possible for a man to honor and revere and obey those whom he does not love.”
· On a first level, "'Honor' speaks to filial behavior, not to filial judgment or sentiment” (Leonard Fein in Broken Tablets)

In such a situation, honor can still involve positive acts to help them, improve their lives, to the degree we are able. Revere/fear can still involve not interfering with the esteem due them from others.

Honor may also involve forgiveness.

Help, I've Fallen...

2008-11-20T16:45:00.000-08:00

I could not help but laugh at 6:30 this morning when I found myself on the floor by my bed. I actually had to call 911 and say, "Help, I've fallen and can't get up!"

I had not slept well most of the night, pain, I got cold, I was very worried about my daughter. Well towards morning I finally fell into a deep sleep. And what happens, I fall out of bed! Something I can not ever remember doing (the couch, maybe).

The Firemen and the paramedics were here within 15 or 20 minutes, and it only took them another couple of minutes to get me in my wheelchair.

This afternoon, though, I feel like my entire body is bruised!

Coming Together in their Loss

2008-11-18T08:20:00.001-08:00

Lucy (lt) and Big Boy (rt) taking a little afternoon nap. They never 'cuddled' like this before the loss of Ethel.

I have no idea which one got to the bed first, but obviously whomever got there 'second' felt the need for 'contact' and comfort. So do I...

Comfortghan

2008-11-17T14:20:00.000-08:00

Today the mail person knocked on my door to deliver a good sized (and unexpected) box.

I opened it to find a beautiful crocheted 'Comfortghan' and letter from a crochet Yahoo group I have belonged to for a couple of years: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/crochetpartners . The squares made and contributed by members of the group.

I was surprised, and stunned. Tears welled in my eyes.

It just so happens that next week I am starting another round of Chemo. I will take this Comfortghan with me every time I go - perhaps it will not only comfort me, but bring me good luck.

First Round of Chemo

2008-11-15T20:20:00.000-08:00

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of this week I had my first round of Chemo. It wasn’t so bad except it took so long! Monday I was there 8 hours! Tuesday and Wednesday was about six hours each, so just the amount of time there was exhausting. And it is without a break, you sit in a recliner hooked up to an IV the entire time.

The staff was nice; lunch was even served! The other patients (8 – 10) came and went, and they too were nice. The only problems were: 1) they wanted me to leave my wheelchair out in the hall, and I insisted it (and all that was on it), remain in the room with me, in my sight. 2) Like a child in the backseat of a car, I kept asking ‘are we there yet’. (It is beyond me why they cannot give a realistic estimate of how long it will take, and where you are at in the process.)

Between the ‘treatment’, and the number of hours, I was wiped out by the time the hospital’s van took me home. I was so weak, so very weak…

But my daughter Lisa, came over as soon as I got home and called her, and helped me safely into a nightgown and into bed. Something I appreciated beyond belief. I don’t know what I would have done without her.

Chemo Caps

2008-11-15T09:11:00.000-08:00

Since I'm losing my hair, (and with the drugs I'm being given, I WILL lose all of it!) I put out a request for Chemo Caps to Crochet Partners, ( http://groups.yahoo.com/group/crochetpartners )a crochet Yahoo Group I've belonged to for the last couple of years.

Thankfully, I've received a number of terrific crocheted caps! I was amazed at the generosity of these folks...

Chemo Round 2 Scheduled

2008-11-13T09:02:00.000-08:00

for the week of; M 11-24, W 11-26, and F 11-28. (I'll be healing from dental extractions.)

Yes, it 'book-ends' Thanksgiving, but I have a friend that is going to bring me a plate of food on Thanksgiving. (I'd rather get rid of the cancer, than celebrate ONE holiday anyway!)

Also, I think the dose is going to be lowered, so hopefully, it won't impact me so severely! I hope so anyway...

White Count & Hair

2008-11-11T11:34:00.000-08:00

Had a cbc done yesterday, white count is now up. But I still can't schedule next round of chemo; I have badly needed dental work that needs to be done while white count is up that will delay scheduling for a week.

Did I mention I am now losing my hair??? Not that it was unexpected, but a horrible thing to go through anyway. I got in the bathroom with a plastic trash bad and a pair of scissors, and cut my hair off to about an inch long (suggested). I am tired of waking with hair in my eyes, mouth, etc...

No Chemo This Week

2008-11-07T08:08:00.000-08:00

And no Chemo next week. My white count is still too low. It is coming up, which is a good thing, but slowly. This puts me way off schedule for Chemo, NOT a good thing.

I go next Monday for labs. This time, I will have them draw the blood from my ‘port’, as it needs to be ‘flushed’ at least every 4 weeks. (Amazing, but it is still bruised and tender.)

So, I am still ‘hibernating’, keeping away from people, washing my hands, using hand sanitizer after touching a cat, etc. I sure do not want another infection! I am just really ‘over’ the ‘Post-Chemo Pneumonia’, though no doubt I caught that bug during my last hospitalization.

I would think that they are going to have to adjust the dose, that it would be better to have a ‘lower’ dose and keep on schedule, than not. We shall see…

I cut my hair off this week. Took a pair of scissors and a trash bag into the bathroom and cut away. (Not an easy thing since I have ‘numb’ hands because of Chemo Neuropathy!) My hair is now about ½ inch long now. I was tired of having a hairbrush FULL of lost hair every time I brushed, not to mention waking with hair in my eyes or mouth. If my hair had not been so thick to begin with, I would be bald by now. Definitely in need of Chemo caps!

Ethel 2004 – 2008

2008-11-06T07:11:00.000-08:00

Ethel lost her battle against the infected wound today. In the end, she was in a lot of pain, so there was no choice (unless I had a spare thousand bucks or so).

I am devastated. I have cried a million tears.

Lucy alternates between being stuck to me like glue, (on my lap, or in my wheelchair backpack) or stalking the apartment looking for her sister in all of Ethel’s usual hiding places.

Sadness, tears, and more tears…

Halloween 2008

2008-11-01T06:59:00.000-07:00

Even though I had my lights off and my shades pulled, there were a couple of knocks at the door during last evening.

I miss 'doing' Halloween!

But just can't risk cats getting out. Nor this year, some kidlet, sneezing on me!

Ethel's in Trouble - Again

2008-11-01T06:49:00.000-07:00

(Ethel sitting in trash can!)

The vet said that she is not healing correctly. That she either has cellulites, an infection in the underlying fat, or gangrene. That she needs ‘debridement’ at the cost of $300 - $400.

She goes back next week ($45), and will prob need another injection of antibiotic ($$$). If prognosis remains the same, (and it may change, Ethel may get better); I will have to have her put down. I just do not have that kind of money. I do not even have the $45 per week this is running right now – it is coming out of my ‘grocery’ money.

(and bless the 'volunteer' from Sacred Heart Parrish in Ocean Beach, who shuttles Ethel to these appointments)

I am devastated…

Ethel’s Latest Misadventure

2008-10-29T23:09:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday, October 22 at 1:30 in the afternoon, I gladly arrived home from spending 5 days in the hospital.

The absolute first thing I did was ‘open up’ the apartment, including letting the Sisters out. Though they had had a ‘caretaker’, they had not been outside for 5 days.

An hour later, first Lucy, then Ethel came racing in the door as if being chased by the biggest dog in the world. I had been in the living room and dining room, and had heard no signs of trouble, no barking, no cat fights, etc.

Still, I did a double take, because of their panicked return; and was amazed to find this horrible wound on Ethel’s left flank. It has never been determined WHAT happened to her. I could not believe our ‘luck’.

BTW, these pics were taken a couple of days AFTER vet care! And the 'missing fur' was caused by the injury, whatever that was, and not medical care.

Metastasis

2008-09-24T20:10:00.000-07:00

After 18 days in the hospital, multiple pokes, scans, tests, consultations, and a lumbar laminectomy, I got the dreaded news, Multiple Bone Metastasis. I am stunned…

More Computer Woes

2008-08-16T17:20:00.000-07:00

My one and only computer was down for almost two weeks. This was really problematic, as being more or less 'homebound', I depend on my computer for almost everything! So it was imperative to get it repaired.

Thankfully, it's fixed and working well now. But it will take me awhile to 'catch up' (1600 emails ! for one thing).

The repairs required a new motherboard, cpu, power supply, and someone to do all this, as I am physically unable to do so.

My PayPal account has 0 balance, my checking account almost so, and my very meager savings is gone.

If you can see your way clear to click on the PayPal button on this page and donate a bit, please do so. Every little bit counts! And if you can't, boy do I understand!

Thanks!

eBooks, Still Another Hobby!

2008-08-02T17:13:00.000-07:00

OK, I'm a collecter of eBooks. I have SO many, I probably won't live long enough to read them all (some for 2nd, 3rd, or more times!)

But that's only PART of the eBook thing folks!

Not digressing, but part of the idea:

I crochet.
And because I crochet, I've become a Yarn Addict! I hunt for,collect, sort, trade, give away what I don't want/can't use, yarn! (I think this takes up almost as much time as actually crocheting - or reading eBooks!)

Folks who crochet call having all that yarn 'a stash'. And the bigger your 'stash', the better (you wouldn't belive the size of some -entire rooms full of yarn and threads!) And my stash is probably just as important to me (or more so?) than the items I actually produce using it.

I currently have (in this small apartment!) 12 plastic, see through,covered, storage (of various sizes - half of them large, on wheels!)containers of yarn! (In my own defense, most are only partiallyfull.) A wicker laudry size basket with projects I'm working on now,and a few large plastic bags or yarn to be sorted...

Since I live on a very very low income (879 mo), I scour freecycle,craigs list, and the local Goodwill, etc for free or very cheap yarn, even though I may not currently NEED it; I might need it someday! (Sometimes this low income, stash hunting is not easy considering I'm in a wheelchair and have no car!)

I will even contact people selling yarn and tell them if itdoesn't sell, I'm here with a couple of bucks.

So, I am always looking to expand my 'stash', be it yarn or eBooks!

Yarn Addict = stash
eBook Addict = eBook library

I am just thankful that eBooks take up so little physical space!

(Anyone out there have any yarn or eBooks they don't want???)

Strange Day, Stranger People

2008-07-29T21:51:00.000-07:00

First was the quake. I was sitting at the dining room table, filling out a form or something, when it hit. It did not last long, and it was more of a ‘roller’ than a ‘jolter’. Still, The Sisters sat up and took notice, and this wood building was a ‘creaking’. I went to a doorway, just in case. You never know, I have seen them start small and build. Being pretty experienced in quakes, it immediately occurred to me that it was not centered here in San Diego, and I thought ‘boy, if this originated in LA, it must have been a biggie; but I keep forgetting that Mariner's Coves Apartments sit on a slab of concrete and under that is sandy fill. A few minutes later, I left the safety of the doorway and tuned to CNN for more info.

My current IP (of 2 months) was doing a bit of shopping for me at the time of the quake. Right after that, she called me about something; did I want this or that? Well her cell went out. I tried to call her back and I got some kind of message that the line was not available, try my call later.

Within a few minutes, the front door opened, she set my just purchased stuff just inside the door, leaving the door open a crack. I thought she had gone back to her car for something. I started putting stuff away. And, you know what? She never came back, called, or anything. (She has been kind of flaky the last week, saying she had lost her car keys and couldn’t get into her car for several days – I didn’t believe it, I can almost always tell when they are getting ready to quit.)

After a few minutes, I closed and locked the front door. I do not know if the quake scared her, or if she thought I had hung up on her or what. Why do so many IP’s seem to have personality problems? Now I need a new IP and will have to do without until I find one…

Half-Birthday 2008

2008-07-28T17:10:00.000-07:00

Today is my Half-Birthday.

And I did nothing to celebrate! I am definitely in the middle of a flare, and am counting the days till my Rhumy appointment (one week). On top of which, I have a lot of 'other' stuff going on. So I'm lucky to get the coffee made and The Sisters and Big Boy fed. My 'to do' pile is almost as big as my desk, it can really pile up...

For those of you who don't know, a Half-Birthday is the equivalent of being born on 'Festivas'! A Half-Birthday is for those poor folk (like moi!) who were born within the month AFTER Christmas! Being born at such a time, when everyone is broke and hung-over, from THE major christian holiday of the year, is tantamount to NOT having a birthday! There are no parties, big gifts, a day at the circus for us! Nope, we are lucky to get a piece a cake with a candle in it and a verbal 'Happy Birthday', and that in a half-hearted manner.

So sometime in my late twenties, I saw, read, heard SOMEWHERE about half-birthdays! From then on, I've celebrated my half-birthday on July 28. And let me tell ya, there have been some damn fine parties and celebrations! Needless to say, as I've gotten older (and clean & sober), the celebrations have toned down considerably!

Even though it's now a party of one, I still celebrate my half-birthday. Of course, I never expect half-birthday presents - however, feel free to use that PayPal Button!

Musings

2008-07-27T17:47:00.000-07:00

I don't really feel like 'blogging' today. But here I am, at the computer, with a few extra mintues to spare. So, what's going though my mind right now...

-The weird, overcast, coolish, muggy weather (from Mexico's hurricanes)
-Should I write my 'memoirs' in blog form or standard or some other as yet unthought of form
-Been 'working' a poem in my head for a couple of weeks, it's not ready yet
-Trying to smoke less, trying to eat less (why bother living???) And how does trying not to do those things affect my creativity? Health may not be worth it!
-Next crochet project
-When will I get another Where's George Hit
-Being very broke (it's the end of the month)
-I'm feeling lonely (I'm ALWAYS alone, seldom lonely)
-Really MUST get down to hard-core time management, soon
-Wondering what my kids & grandkids are doing right now
-It's almost dinner time and gabapentin
-How different would my life be if I could afford my OWN wheelchair van?
-Ditto a condo?
-Or if I were a petite blonde or at least not an 'ugly' person?
-Why don't 'blog readers' make comments?

Grandson Michael

2008-07-21T16:30:00.000-07:00

My Grandson Michael is twenty today. I have no idea where he is, how he is, or what he is doing.

I would have liked to have seen him this week, invited him over for a 'birthday' dinner, but I have no way to do so.

I haven't seen him for about two years; when I stopped by his mother's apartment to leave a note on her door and he was there, tall and blonde, and looking like a man.

I can only take solice in the fact that he (they? all of the family?) know where I live and my phone number.

Another small 'life' sadness...

Medium Sized Petghan

2008-07-19T16:10:00.000-07:00

This is my first of this size, approx. 25" x 25", which the Snuggles Project http://www.snugglesproject.org/ calls a 'Medium'. It's for a friend's dauchshund.

I don't think I'd want to do one larger than this! This one took almost all of 2 skiens (14 oz. total ?) of Red Hart SuperSaver (two shades of green - you can't tell in these pictures; I need a real digital camera, this cell phone just doesn't do it! Especially as I LOVE colors so much!). And a lot of time!

I used two strands of the SuperSaver at once and a N Hook. Started with a chain of 40 + 2 to turn. Then did solid hdc until it was the 'right' size. I edged it with a single strand of the darker green, 3 rows of sc.

Though I've done many 'petghans', none of this proportion, I still find every crochet project a 'learning experience'!

Time

2008-07-17T22:47:00.000-07:00

"So many men, so little time", said May West.

In my life, it's 'So many docs, so little time'. And now with RSD, I've added even more. Sigh...

Cystoscopy Negative!

2008-07-16T15:28:00.000-07:00

Still one more Cysto, and both the physical exam and the cytology were negative. Yes!!!

I wish I'd kept track of how many of these I've had (I know I've had 4 TURB's), since I was diagnosed with G1T3 Bladder Cancer. Since I STILL have one every 6 - 8 months, and early on it was every 2 - 3 months, I can say I've been through this proceedure a LOT.

Still, it beats a same day biopsy! Or worse...

After all, "Patients with T1G3 bladder tumours who are treated conservatively are at life-long risk of having a muscle-invasive tumour and dying from bladder cancer." ( http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/journal/120699915/abstract?CRETRY=1&SRETRY=0 )

The Sisters and Big Boy

2008-06-30T17:07:00.000-07:00

<--Lucy (rt) & Ethel (lt) on one side of the patio, Big Boy, on the other -->

They are enjoying the warm days and evenings to the hilt! I usually let the Sisters out for about an hour in the morning and two hours at sunset.

I find Big Boy sitting at the patio door, first thing in the morning, he comes in, eats, goes to bed IN MY BED, sleeps till sunset, eats and socializes with the Sisters, then goes out for the night when it's fully dark.

Today, it was almost sunset when I got these pictures.

(Do they have me well trained, or what?)

Another Poncho Completed

2008-06-22T23:09:00.000-07:00

Wow. I finally finished this Poncho! I designed it myself. It has a scoop neck with a 'roll' collar in a nice soft Sage (the picture above does NOT do justice to the color!). And of course, it's XXX sized

Every stitch done, every end woven in. Seemed like it took forever (especially that ruffle all the way around!). I still have one skein of this yarn left. Want to make a kind of 'hoodie' to match, but just am not in the mood at the moment, want to move on to something else...

I need to make rectangles and grannies with the yarn left over from this project.

And in fact, I need some more 'Don't Lose Your Marbles' as I've gifted all but one of them, and I like to keep extras available.

Lymbrel

2008-06-13T17:15:00.000-07:00

Last time I saw my Rheumatologist, she gave me some samples of Limbril to help with joint pain.

Limbrel is a new, by prescription only, medical food product (flavocoxid 500mg) for help with some types if arthritis.

Well the samples DEFINITELY helped with my joint pain, especially the pain in my wrist and thumb joints!

The good news today is that my MediCare Part D Insurance approved it for me!!! Yes! Now perhaps I can crochet more with less pain.

Wendy

2008-06-04T17:11:00.000-07:00

This evening I had a visitor, Wendy, a cyber-pal. We have been emailing back and forth with for years! We finally met f2f.

She was visiting family in the area (from Amsterdam, where she lives), and graciously granted me a few hours.

We had dinner, exchanged a couple of gifts; I gave her a petghan for her cat and a ‘Don’t Lose Your Marbles, she gave me a fridge magnet that says ‘Holland’ on it, a book, and a loved designer box.

And. we talked and talked and talked! Hope she had as good of a time as I did!

Ethel, The Huntress!

2008-05-17T22:39:00.000-07:00

When I first started taking the Girls 'out', Ethel (the alpha) would bring small, dry 'sticks' fallen from the trees, inside and drop them at my feet.

Sometimes, the 'sticks' would be more like 'branches' and she could hardly drag them onto the patio, let alone though the barely open patio door. So she left them just outside.

She always let me know that she'd bought me an 'offering', with a specific vocalization. And I've always praised her for that.

But now, even with a collor that has a loud bell on it, she is somehow managing to catch birds!

Last week, the first time, she bought in a tiny (and dead) sparrow.

Today, it was a hummer!

Of course, she drops these 'gifts' right at my feet, and gives the vocalization! And I praise her, then dispose of the poor dead bird.

A neighbor said they must be really stupid birds, to be caught by a cat that has a loud bell on! Maybe so...

My First 'My George' Hit!

2008-05-15T22:23:00.000-07:00

I was so excited to receive an email today from www.wheresgeorge.com telling me that I had a 'hit' (MY FIRST ONE), on one of the bills I had listed.

"This bill has travelled 19 Miles in 20 Days, 22 Hrs, 57 Mins at an average of 0.92 Miles per day. It is now 19 Miles from its starting location."

And the bill was notated: THIS BILL WAS USED AT HILLSDALE MIDDLE SCHOOL IN RANCHO SAN DIEGO.

I just love this kinda stuff! Yes! May there be many more 'hits' to come...

"Don't Lose Your Marbles!"

2008-05-13T15:13:00.000-07:00

First 3 "Don't Lose Your Marbles!"

After of months of cogitating and trying this, then trying that, I finally came up with a 'gifting' idea I am proud of!

"Don't Lose Your Marbles!" (copyright: evvy garrett 2008) is a small crocheted bag containing flattened glass marbles, that, in the end, is a combination of worry beads and a bean bag. You can easily hold it in the palm of one hand, and 'worry' it with your fingers. Or toss it back and forth between hands.

OR just by keeping in in purse, pocket, briefcase, glove compartment, etc, you can be sure that you will never LOSE YOUR MARBLES!

Made of 100% cotton 4 ply yarn and then filled with flattened glass marbles (not for young children!), it is hand washable. I would not trust it to a dryer though, it would probably be better to lay it on a table to dry.

Sample Bag with marbles

Since I made the first one to gift to a friend on May 13, 2008, "Don't Lose Your Marbles" have been wildly popular among my friends, some of whom are requesting them for THEIR friends and relatives!

Perhaps "Don't Lose Your Marbles" will be the next big 'pet rock'
or 'beanie baby' fad! (This 'concept' and/or pattern is NOT for private use - all rights are retained by evvy garrett.) Anyone know any 'developers', manufacturers, etc.?

Another Mother's Day Alone 2008

2008-05-11T20:49:00.000-07:00

However, my son did phone in the evening. It was a very brief call, almost 'hi' and 'bye', sigh. He said his battery in his cell was going (so why didn't he use his regular phone?) Still I am very grateful...

Mother's Day Celebration for me...

2008-05-10T19:19:00.000-07:00

I was able to make it down to JoAnn's store today. Bought 4 skeins of Caron One Pounder yarns, 5 skeins of kitchen cotton and some 'notions'. Stopped by Von's before coming home, got a bundt cake for tomorrow.

A lot to carry home on the bus, but I made it. The trip wore me out though, was glad to get home!

Off My Hook - Shawl, 'Tasseled' Wrap Around

2008-04-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

Pattern can be found at: http://web.archive.org/web/20010417205031/www.cei.net/~vchisam/groovy/7706.html

I made it REALLY big. And I didn't 'fringe' it (I am not a 'fringe' person), just added a lot of extra rows till I got the length I wanted. Still, only took 10 days...

I used a K Hook and it took 2.6 skeins of dark variegated, Red Heart Super Saver.

Finished measurements: 66" wide, 33" from 'point' in back to neckline.

Here is a close up of the stitch and the neck edging.

This one was really fun, and went fast. It's also 'quick' enough to make for a needed 'gifting'.

Sometime, I may alter this to make two triangles, and put them together for a 'summer weight' poncho...

Somedaze are like that

2008-04-13T16:12:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful, warm afternoon. So I went cruising around the apartment complex, specifically the trash bins.

Today I was prepared, had some extra plastic trash bags in my backpack and my 'reacher' on my lap.

And nadda! Not one thing. Guess everyone was too busy doing outside things to empty their trash!

It's unusual to not find ONE thing...

April Fool's Day

2008-04-01T22:02:00.000-07:00

No, I didn't get fooled today (at least I don't think so!). Nor did I 'fool' anyone else.

But I did see a 'history' of great April Fool's Day greatest pranks on CNN today. And, lo and behold, there was an item I had been looking for for YEARS.

As a child, I saw on TV some kind of editorial or something about 'Spaghetti' growing on trees and being harvested. I loved it! I laughed and laughed. Have remembered it all my life. Have told many people about it. But never again saw it, or heard about it.

CNN said that it was an April Fool's Prank (British) from 1955 (I was nine!). Now everyone can see it at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaU1y-dS-Bg

Off My Hook: Rose Stole

2008-03-31T16:01:00.000-07:00

Just finished it, a light weight, openish rose stole. It took a long time as I wanted to make it extra wide and long. It's for a friend - hope she likes it!

Fun! Another Hobby!

2008-03-28T18:44:00.000-07:00

Like I needed another?

Today, as I was putting away money I'd gotten as change from a recent shopping trip, I ran across a dollar bill that was stamped with:

"See where I've been
Track where I go next
www.wheresgeorge.com"

Of course, I went right to the computer! www.wheresgeorge.com is a site where you can TRACK (literally!) your money.

I fell in love with the idea, and immediately ordered the 'Where's George' Stamp from https://www.stamp-connection.com/ For a cost of about $15.00 .

I know, I know, I shouldn't spend $15.00 so frivolously! But what fun! And where else could I find ongoing fun and a new hobby for a total cost of $15.00 ?

Can't wait to get the stamp, so I can start stamping, spending, tracking my paper money!

Do go check out the site, you may find a new hobby also...

A nice set of dinnerware!

2008-03-26T19:31:00.000-07:00

I haven't been 'dumpster diving' for months.

I've been ill a lot. Then there was the weather, seemed like it was always either cold, windy, or rainy. Then too, it was full dark SO early! But now both those conditions have changed.

So today, not really expecting to find anything, as it was mid-week, and not the end of the month (the best times to find 'stuff'), I went on my dumpster diving rounds.

The first thing I came across was a full, sealed, box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts. I left those for the next 'diver'.

At another bin, I found a service for four of neat ceramic dinnerware. It was matte black with 'drizzled' gray stripes. The bread plates were square. Well, I couldn't use them (too heavy for me to handle, I use Correll), but I thought of a neighbor that might like them.

So I zipped by her apartment, and she was home. Not only did she love he dinnerware, but she had just finished cooking a spiral cut ham and all the trimmings. So I got to take home some yummy food!

Ocean Beach CA Wild Green Parrots

2008-03-09T23:32:00.000-07:00

They are early this year. Perhaps because of the 'wet winter' we just had; everything is green and blooming earlier than usual.

At any rate, the flock of wild green parrots arrived just before sunset to settle into the trees for the night. This year I had an audio recorder. (I haven't tried getting pics myself yet!)

Their noise drives some of my neighbors nutso, especially at dawn, when the awake and prepare to leave for the day. I sleep right though it. And I find their 'noise' of an evening, a joy!

Here is audio of the entire flock settling in to roost of an evening! http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/9/22/1450734/001.001.2007_07_23_19_56%20Parrots.mp3

This was one of my first attempts at audio recording! I recording them from my patio, as they were circling around, and fighting for roosting spots high overhead! This goes on for about an hour and a half; from when the sun starts setting till first full dark, for weeks on end!

And here is a great public domain video, made in Ocean Beach, CA by an unknown person. http://www.archive.org/details/parrots_sanDiego_2006

Big Boy's Reaction

2008-03-06T19:45:00.000-08:00

Big Boy, the stray that moved in with us last year, has been really bent out of shape since I was gone for almost 3 days (ER & Hospital).

He hasn't come in and crashed on my bed like in this pic of him from last month, since I returned!

He, very nervously, runs in, eats, runs back out a couple of times a day. Poor thing has probably been 'abandoned' so many times, he thought it was happening to him AGAIN.

Two step forward, one step back with this wonderful guy!

Fans! I have fans!

2008-03-03T23:09:00.000-08:00

I received this message today. “Evvy, I don’t think you update your personal blog enough...I enjoy reading it.”

I would LOVE to keep this blog current! The problems against doing so are many and profound.

1) Health Issues – being ill, an auto immune flare, doc appointments (getting ready, the visit itself, coming home can sometimes take all day), spending hours on the phone to the pharmacy or doc office, taking my meds, keeping my Deltec CoZmo Insulin Pump running correctly (and testing my blood sugar many times a day) etc take up so very much of my time. I hate this stuff, but someone has to do it.

2) Money - Searching advertisements weekly, cutting coupons and making shopping lists to pinch that penny, take a great deal of time. Not to mention seeking (and seldom finding) freelance writing gigs.

3) After that on my priority come activities of daily living; showers, doing a few dishes, laundry, watering plants, getting a haircut, and all the mundane stuff of life. It probably takes me 3 times as long to do these everyday tasks as most other folks.

4) Others!
-I volunteer one afternoon every week for a local pet charity, hopefully, I help both the animals and the people. It is only one four-hour phone shift per week, but it wipes me out.

-I try to do SOMETHING daily for someone who needs it. Often it is only a phone call, an email, or a cup of coffee.

-And I try to meditate/pray daily for those in need of help.

7) Here is where my ‘art’ fits in; writing a poem, working on some creative writing, staying in touch with writers, and writing. I hate that this has dropped so low on my priority list, (Ahhh, the fire STILL burns in my belly & soul) but if you are not breathing, and cannot pay your rent, you are not going to be doing much writing!

8) Next comes the ‘fun stuff’ like, an afternoon at the beach wall looking at the Pacific & people watching, reading a mystery novel (daily!), quality time with The Sisters (daily!), or once or twice a year, an afternoon at the mall. Crocheting (almost daily) comes in here also.

9) Last on my list time/energy wise, is this blog. I do not like it, but that is the way it is.

But thank all of you that read ‘evvy’s blog’ regularly, especially those of you that comment and or send me mail & emails!

The Sisters take a short trip

2008-02-06T21:21:00.000-08:00

Month’s past due, The Sisters went for their yearly immunizations today. I packed them up in their plastic container, and a friend came and took them.

They were not thrilled, but I had one less thing to worry about! And it only cost $44 for both at Shots For Pets.

Big Boy

2008-02-02T17:04:00.000-08:00

I have not posted lately about the ‘Cat with No Name’. Well, he has a name now! I call him Big Boy.

In the almost two years since he found us, we have come a LONG way. The name of the game with Big Boy is stability & patience! I have no idea how old he is, or what he went through in his life before us, but it has made him extremely frightened of people, yet wanting a home and love!

It seems like everything with this Big Boy has been difficult and problematic!

He was neutered, and that has cooled his jets a lot. Even that was a problem as he got a severe wound infection! But without all that testosterone, some of our problems have been eliminated or mellowed.

I can now count on seeing him either at the patio door, or laying on the patio rail first thing every morning, waiting to come in. Though I keep dry cat food and water outside for him, I have the GOOD dry cat food inside, and he has to come in to eat it! Ditto the toys and catnip!

After a bite to eat in the kitchen, and a good romp with a catnip toy, he lies under a dining room chair, watching the ‘inside’ world, often it seems to me, in puzzlement!

Like The Sisters, he likes being talked to and his presence acknowledged. But after all this time, I still can not ‘touch’ him, unless I sneak up on him and pet him while he’s asleep, which I try to do daily. (Therefore, he has FLEAS, as I have not yet been able to apply Advantage! Nor has he had his ‘shots’.)

Then it is off for a little mid-day nap, in the middle of my bed! (I now toss an old blanket over my bed as soon as I get up, just for him.) For the past three months, I have been trying to get him to ‘nap’ with me and The Sisters. He would have NONE of it. As soon as I got in bed, he would jump off, and cry to go out. Gradually, I have been letting him cry longer before getting up and letting him out.

BUT TODAY, YES! I got into bed, he cried for awhile, then he jumped up on the foot of the bed and stretched out for a nap!!! I was thrilled… Another ‘battle’ won through patience and love.

He goes in and out several times a day, and just after dark, he goes out for the night. The exception being in very bad weather and then he stays in much later. Now though, if it is pouring rain, I can go to the door, call ‘here kitty, kitty, kitty', and he comes running! (Another accomplishment!)

There are times when I think that Big Boy has been feral, or at least an ‘outside’ cat all his life. Such as, he hasn’t the slightest idea of what the littler box is for!!! But, he is not stupid! Three times in the past year, he has left me a ‘present’; all three times, right in the middle of the bathroom floor, once a big puddle of urine, and twice a pile of poop. Obviously he can ‘smell’ that that is the place to ‘take care of business’; perhaps he will eventually catch on.

In the mean time, all I can do is be patient with him, and love him. I really have no other choice, as he seems to think The Sisters are his ‘pride’, a sentiment shared by them!

Silent Heart Attack

2008-01-31T21:07:00.000-08:00

Saw my PCP today for my routine monthly follow up. But this time it was different. He heard a heart murmur he had not heard before.

I was not concerned. Having had Rheumatic Fever as I child, I have had a murmur come and go over the years.

He insisted on an ecg though I’d just had one 3 months ago. Was I surprised when he told me I had had a ‘silent’ heart attack!

A few weeks ago, I had suffered from a ‘belly ache’ and I could not really tell if it was my belly, or chest that was hurting. It was mild and went away in a few days. Perhaps it wasn’t a belly ache after all.

But no bad pain, no sweating, no pain in arm, no nausea.

Two new meds were added to my regime, Welchol and Plavix. Now in my introspective moments I wonder when the ‘BIG’ one is gonna hit…

I was urged to quit smoking and to lose weight! Ha! If I haven't been able to do it in 62 years, I don't think it's gonna happen now.

I truely feel one of the main causes of this 'silent' heart attack is all the stress I've been under the last 6 months; the water damage & reconstruction, the refrigerator failure (again water damage), AIMCO's slowness in reimbursing me for my expenses, and the computer problems. Add to that, my much less physical activity due to the RSD in my left ankle, toss in severe poverty, and it spells disaster...

Another Birthday!

2008-01-28T19:02:00.000-08:00

Since I am just getting over a 'flare' and still feel pretty rotten, I didn't do much to celebrate my 62nd Birthday! Not even a piece of Birthday cake. Nor did I hear, in any way, from my kids or grandkids, sigh.

I did however, write a new poem, 'caul'! This seemed to take me all day! Now I am exhausted, and maybe a little depressed...

Hooks - Gemlites

2008-01-23T22:50:00.000-08:00

I just received two sets of inexpensive acrylic crochet hooks (under $10 total for both!) that I had ordered from http://www.herrschners.com/ - Gemlites Crochet Hooks, a set of 9 - sizes G though P.

(An early birthday present for me!)

And they are just great! Each one is a different color, and they came in their own, reusable, plastic holder. They work well with every yarn I have tried so far, NO dragginess, NO splitting yarn.

Of course, I STILL have not learned the difference between hook TYPES, i.e. 'inline' vs. 'tapered', so I can't tell you WHICH type the Gemlites are. I can tell you they feel and work like Boye Hooks to me, which are my favorites, and what I have worked with since I was a child.
I would recommend these for anyone seeking decent hooks at an affordable price!
Slowly but surely, I am building my 'stash' of hooks...

Pet Assistance

2008-01-22T23:43:00.000-08:00

I have gone through the volunteer training. I have now been doing my once a week telephone shift all by myself for the last month.

In a four hour shift, I have been taking between 15 – 20 calls. It sounds like a piece of cake, but it isn’t. All the info you have to learn, or at least know where to find it in the materials provided, so you can impart it to those calling in, is formidable.

I am getting more experienced though. Still after my ‘shift’, I am exhausted. And each week is getting a little easier.

I feel that I am doing something worthwhile, helping both people and animals. And I am glad I took on this ‘job’.

Lap Band

2008-01-15T20:40:00.000-08:00

Today I was turned down for Lap Band Surgery because I had too many medical problems. But mainly because I have an auto immune disease and take Prednisone on and off for that.

(Over the past 9 years, I've been turned down for the 'gastric resection' twice, for medical reasons. This was my last hope.)

The surgeon said that auto-immune disorders with concomitant steroid use is one of the number one reasons for NOT doing the procedure.

Now this is not something I have hidden! From the time I went to the ‘seminar’ and filled out the first paperwork, I have listed this problem. So why did I have to get labs, records, fill out a truckload of reports and see two other docs (& the transportation $ involved) to be told I was ineligible?

I came home feeling as if I’d been handed a death sentence…

Off My Hook - Striped Throw

2008-01-15T15:40:00.000-08:00

This was made with 4 ply (ww) scrap yarn. So it took quite awhile to finish!

It was done in all half double crochet, which is my fav stitch, using an H Hook. It was worked in one piece, and then a small picot edge was added.

I love the way it looks folded on the bottom of my bed...

Computers, the agony and the ecstasy

2008-01-09T22:47:00.000-08:00

I am STILL installing programs into my computer, and will be for quite some time to come. Have not even started on most of the data yet (which is stored in back ups in various places). What a giant pain.

I am NOT going to do this again; I am just too damn old, sick, busy, and impatient!. I just ordered a 160G external usb HD. It should be here in a week or so.

Next, I will get ‘mirroring’ software. I want a ‘clone’ of my c drive! So when (not if) this happens again, I will be fully ‘up & running’ again in a day or two.

I had planned to try to get a laptop this year, with the cost of the above, that’s now out of the question, unless I win a lottery or something…

They understand what I say!

2008-01-08T22:38:00.000-08:00

The Sisters were to go today for their yearly immunizations. But Ethel developed a sudden case of ‘bad tummy’ last night.

She must have heard me tell someone about their pending appointment with the needle! So now, they have to wait till next month, when the ‘shot clinic’ is again in a parking lot near me.

From now on, when talking about such matters, I will spell it out, S-H-O-T-S!

Computer woes

2008-01-04T15:17:00.000-08:00

My ONE desktop, with its' one hard drive, was acting up the last time I posted to this blog. It quickly got worse. I tried everything I knew of: virus checks, malware checks, scan disk, defrag, the whole nine yards, nadda.

Finally on December 21, Windows XP just crashed, which is not all that suprising as I had had the same install for 2 1/2 yrs. It would not close, wouldn't 'system restore’, then it wouldn't boot. Oh joy, just what I needed for Christmas!

So after sighing a lot, I wiped the disk and reinstalled. After a couple of days of that process, the SAME things started happening AGAIN.

This was way beyond my experience! So I had someone come in. He also could not wipe the disk and reinstall XP without errors! So, he went further than that. It turned out I had a 'corrupted' master boot record. He fixed it, reinstalled XP. Though I was terrifically happy, I KNEW the days and days of work that was in front of me.

So that is where I've been and what I've been doing.

People with more than one computer are so fortunate! Hope everyone had ‘better’ holidays this year than I did!

As if I didn’t have enough problems!

2008-01-03T23:10:00.000-08:00

Last night, ohh, about 1AM, I wanted some Ice Cream. So I went to the freezer. The new half gallon of Ice Cream was on the top shelf. I stretched to reach it, grasped the edge of the lid of the round carton. It tipped over, and POURED down the shelves of the freezer and into my lap!

I checked the rest of the stuff in the freezer, and it was stuffed full. Everything was thawed!

Of course, there was no one to help me in the middle of the night. So I spent the next HOUR, mopping up melted ice cream with a couple of small sponges. I did a pretty good job too, but it exhausted me.

I set my alarm, got up as soon as the Complex office opened, so I could call. First one guy came, an hour later another one checked it out, ‘yep, it’s not working’, they said. Lastly the maintenance manager arrived. They then bought in a ‘loaner’ and put in my living room. (So again, the spot where I put my wheelchair to watch TV, read, or crochet was blocked to me.) It’s my opinion that the refrigerator absorbed too much water from the very wet kitchen wall when all that was going on, but no one wants my opinion.

At 3PM, my IP arrived. She spent most of her scheduled two hours today, helping me make a list of all the food in the freezer that had been ruined, then taking it out to the dumpster!

Of course, there were a few items I could salvage: a tub of cool whip, a loaf of bread, and a package of dinner rolls. But even a 4 pack of bran muffins had to be tossed because the bottom of the package had filled with ‘wet’ from other melting foods. Hundreds of $$$ of food, ruined!

Since I eat mainly frozen entrees (adding cups of fruit, cottage cheese, etc), and frozen veggies, and since I depend on having groceries delivered (at $10 charge per), I keep my freezer WELL STOCKED.

Tetany - The Position

2007-12-15T08:10:00.000-08:00

The Position

This morning I awoke in what I have come to call, ‘The Position’. I was on my left side, my neck and head ‘curled’ back towards my heels, my hands curled shut, my arms curled tight against my chest; a semi Tetany if you will. It occurs when your blood calcium level falls too low. Once you have experienced Tetany, your body ‘learns’ this muscular reaction, and it can and does happen when your blood calcium level comes down ‘rapidly’ (and that is a matter of your body’s choosing!), and your actual calcium levels do not have to be ‘low’, just lowered!
It has not happened often the past couple of years, due to whatever is producing parathyroid hormone in my body, but it happens...

Of course, if my calcium levels are really low, this can happen when I am wide awake! Fun stuff!

Stash Building!

2007-12-13T16:44:00.000-08:00

A person I just recently met, stopped by today and dropped off white plastic BAGS & BAGS of yarn! All kinds of yarn, Red Heart, Caron, Bulky, and Specialty! "An early Christmas Present,” she said.

I have not even really gone though it all yet!

I just could not believe it! Here I have been NOT crocheting, as I was literally out of yarn! It is very difficult to make anything when you only have one or two skeins of yarn available at a time! Well I have enough yarn to keep my hook going for months now, if not longer.

In fact, I have so much yarn now (thank goodness), I am going to have to invest in a couple of storage bins! Oh joy...

Off My Hook - Poncho

2007-12-10T09:16:00.000-08:00

Finally finished my first poncho. It's two matching rectangles, assembled and edging put at neck. Worked with 2 strands (black & off white) of Caron's 'one pounders' and an N hook.

Sjogren’s Flare

2007-12-06T21:47:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago, doc lowered Plaquenil dose from 200mg in AM + 100mg at bedtime (because of side effects) to just 200mg in AM.

The first week I did just fine. On about the 9th day after the dose change, it hit, hard, and fast. So here I am, very sick again!

-constant headache
-so dry at night, tongue sticks to my mouth (Had to start using a mask at night again, no humidifier. Going through a LOT of Numoisyn Lozenges!)
-joint pain – only the movable joints (wrists/ankles the worst)
-fatigue – not enough energy to do anything
-swelling of my feet (top & bottom) at toe joints
-muscle aches/sensitive skin
-sudden, VERY high Blood Glucose on same foods/insulin (and all THAT entails)
-Feeling of being very ill
-increased anxiety
-fingers white and cold at slightest provocation
-do not think I’m thinking straight

Today spoke w/doc on phone. She upped prednisone again, (took an extra dose of it as soon as I spoke to her) Increased the Plaquenil back to 300mg, but at 150mg twice a day. (It will mean cutting pills in FOURS, but they are not tiny.).

Hopefully, I’ll start feeling better again, SOON, and without the Plaquenil side effects that were causing probs. Ff the Plaquenil side effects start again, I’ll know what to look for, and contact doc immediately, also now have a med for the ‘side effects’. Titration, titration, titration!

It is also time for me to make an appointment with my Ophthalmologist, to make sure the Plaquenil (worst side effect!), is not affecting my eyes. But first there was ‘the flood’ in my apartment, then the reconstruction, the fight with AIMCO to get reimbursed, and now I am sick.

Maybe I will get that appointment made tomorrow. In fact, am behind on several doc appointments. Sigh...

But right now, tonight, am going to get ready for bed, turn the sound down on the TV, (nothing good on tonight) listen to Ham Radio (SWL) from the other room, and just sit and crochet for awhile.

AIMCO Reimbursement - Round 3

2007-11-27T17:43:00.000-08:00

THE INDUSTRIAL PLASTIC THAT KEPT ME SEPARATED FROM MY KITCHEN, DINING ROOM, CLOSET FROM 11.13.2007 THROUGH 10.31. 2007. (15 days)

Apparently, yesterday, Monday, in the middle of the afternoon while I was busy with something else, I received an email from Mariner's Coves Management.

Then at 9:30 this morning, I received a phone call, "had I gotten the email?" Well, I had seen it there in my inbox, but had not really read it. So, I read the email.

It would seem that the AIMCO people had 'talked it over' and agreed to 'cut me a check for $500; Please let them know as soon as possible...”

I gave the offer serious thought, a 'bird in the hand' and all that. BUT this is about HALF of what I spent out of pocket and what the damaged furniture will cost to replace. (Not to mention any consideration for what I went through.) AND, the money is not only already gone from my pocket, but it seems AIMCO is not willing to stand up and do the right thing, which would be to reimburse me immediately, especially as I have supplied all documentation and receipts.

Not to mention that after ALL I have been through, (without even a SLAM, BANG, THANK YOU MAAM from AIMCO or Mariner’s Coves management!) I may now be suffering with the “I am mad as hell and I am not gonna take it anymore" syndrome!

But I really did think it through, what it would take for me to file a claim against AIMCO in Small Claims Court, the time, energy, the costs.

I emailed them back that I would take no less than 991.00, which are my actual costs. Other than that, I would be filing in California Small Claims Court in December. Though they were HURRY, HURRY yesterday, I have not yet had a reply. And I don’t really expect one...

If I do not hear from them by the end of this week, I will (again), track down still one more (higher up) AIMCO executive, and email copies of all.

Otherwise, it looks like, at age 61, I am going to experience the California Small Claims Court-San Diego, for the first time in my life. (I am sooo very glad I documented, got receipts, took many pictures, had lots of ‘witnesses’, etc) But, even if I don't 'win' anything, at least I will have the satisfaction of knowing that AIMCO management, will actually have to experience some 'real life' for themselves!

BTW, what would I have done differently if I had it to do over again? I would not have spent one penny of what little I have. I would have called Red Cross and seen if The Girls and I qualified for Emergency Housing! (Mariner’s Coves offered a hotel ROOM – no kitchenette for my insulin/diabetes! No up front expense funds for $9.00 round trip disabled transit to/from any hotel as I needed it, no food chits, no boarding for the Sisters – nadda, just a paid for hotel room. Boy would I have been in a MESS if I had gone THAT route!)

Stop smoking then kill yourself, or someone else?

2007-11-27T16:28:00.000-08:00

Chantix - I have been 'told' about this drug for about the past year, by two of my own docs, and by folks all over the net on various forums and boards who find out I am a smoker (and unlike so many others, I do not lie or hide my smoking).

When I first heard about Chantix, I did my net research. Right off the bat, with my first reading of the drug's literature, I knew it probably was not for me because it mentioned sleep and/or dreaming changes as one of the side effects.

I have bi-polar disorder, narrowed more specifically, Seasonal Affective Disorder (Severe). In fact, I took Lithium for many years, until solid research was done on ‘Light Therapy’. I tried it and found that light/dark therapy worked just as well for me as a means of mood control as medications had. I was then slowly weaned off Lithium.

The correlation: Sleep (how many hours per night), and the types of dreams I have are my earliest ‘clues’ to mood changes, and therefore treatment needs with either light or dark.

It has taken me a LOT of years to be able to self-manage SAD; I do not need a drug that would mess with that, perhaps throwing me into a depression or hypomania (during which, I would probably start smoking again anyway!).

So, I find the newest FDA info on Chantix interesting. “The US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has informed healthcare professionals about reports of suicidal thoughts as well as some aggressive and erratic behavior in patients who have taken varenicline (Chantix, Pfizer), a smoking-cessation product.”

I cannot help but wonder if they are looking in the ‘wrong’ direction regarding this new drug and mood and/or behavior changes. I have personally known two males who committed suicide within two years of smoking cessation, years before Chantix was developed. Both were on long term anti-depressants, and seemed ‘stable’.

Perhaps these new Chantix findings is as simple as Nicotine somehow ‘helps’ those with depression (including anger and aggression), and suicidal tendencies? Perhaps these people are ‘self-medicating’ with Nicotine, and the ‘lack’ of it allows ‘mood disorders’ to emerge full force...

Remember, you heard it HERE first!

Door Stops

2007-11-24T17:22:00.000-08:00

Out at my trash bin today, I found two matching square plastic boxes. They were pinkish, with a smooth 'fake' marble finish.

I could find no way to 'open' them. So I decided they were 'decorative' in nature. They make great door stops. As luck would have it, I have needed two door stops for years!

Thanksgiving 2007

2007-11-22T22:26:00.000-08:00

A nice quiet, peaceful day. I didn't seek anyone out, and no one called me or came to my door.

I prepared my, by now, typical Diabetic Thanksgiving Meal. I baked some chicken, made boxed cornbread dressing, opened a can of chicken gravy, and a can of green beans. I 'browned' some dinner rolls. Sliced my Pumpkin Pie and topped it with gobs of non-fat whipped topping.

I ate too much. Crocheted, watched TV and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Even the burning and aching in my leg seemed to be at a 'lesser' level.

I did (briefly) toy with the idea of calling my Son in Indiana or my Daughter here. But then I re-thought that; hey, they know where I am and what my phone number is...

Poke & Peek

2007-11-21T22:06:00.000-08:00

Had a 6 month follow up Cystoscopy today. Actually between Dr. Salem changing the appointment once, and me having to change it once, it has been almost 8 months since the last one.

The great news was that it was NEGATIVE!

Even though I've had to go for 'biopsies' each of the last two years, each time I get a 'NEGATIVE' is like being granted still another reprieve...

This was the first time I have seen Dr. Salem in her 'new digs', that is, since she left UCSD to go into private practice. So I was just a touch nervous, new place, new personnel, etc.

But it went smoothly; I was made comfortable with both the people and the place.

I am GLAD she has gone into private practice and has moved to Scripps Mercy Hospital! One less doc for me to deal with at UCSD Medical Center! (I'm now down to two; both of them Endo's.)

Plaquinil Dose Change

2007-11-20T19:49:00.000-08:00

Saw Dr. Nguyen today. She dropped Plaquinil from 300 mg day, back to 200 mg day, due to some unpleasant 'side effects' that have developed in the last 6 weeks. Just hope there isn't an increase in pain and fatigue.

AIMCO Reimbursement - Round 2

2007-11-17T22:51:00.000-08:00

WORK BEHIND THE PLASTIC ONCE DRYING EQUIPMENT WAS REMOVED

Suprisingly quick, late yesterday, I received this via email from AIMCO firt line management:

"Aimco has agreed to only reimburse the food expense and loss during the apartment flood repairs."

On to Round 2! I obviouly need to take this one level higher at AIMCO. Some research is in order now...

AIMCO Reimbursement

2007-11-17T16:06:00.000-08:00

HOW THE INDUSTRIAL PLASTIC WAS AFFIXED TO FLOOR

Yesterday I emailed to AIMCO (they own/manage Mariners Coves) in Irvine, CA.

I sent a detailed expense report, a detailed log of the events caused by the leak of the water pipe in the apartment wall, some sample pics (I have 94 - dated & timed), a list of damaged furniture, a list of witnesses, a brief statement, and an invoice (noting that electricity billing was not yet included).

So far ALL I've been reimbursed on 11.1.2007, is $186 TOWARDS the meals I had to have delivered.

I bet THIS is going to be as messy as my apartment was! I am not just going to 'absorb' the financial cost THIS TIME (this was my third leak in this apartment!).

Not to mention that I actually have dreams about this mess, and when wide awake, sit around listening to the walls for the sound of water leaking!

I will be awaiting a response. Bet it won't be anytime soon...

Apartment Repairs Done!

2007-11-16T23:51:00.000-08:00

The FINAL repair was completed today; the stove hood was changed out. The old one had rusted in areas from the moisture.

That does NOT mean the final 'unpacking' and putting stuff back where it belongs is done. Not by a long shot! I still have to 'look' for something, find it in an odd place and return it to where it 'lives'. This is still happening several times a day!

This entire catastrophe has taken a total of THIRTY-SIX days! And I am sad to say, though the water pipes in the wall have been repaired, I don't think it's the end of it...

Another Water Leak!

2007-11-02T22:54:00.000-07:00

THE SECOND LEAK-THE WATER SEEPING INTO HALL CARPET FROM BATHROOM

I could NOT believe it!

Just one day after all the water damage repairs to my apartment were completed, when I got up this morning, the first thing I saw was a small puddle of water on the bathroom floor, seeping into the carpeting in the hall!

Since the ‘office’ would not be open for several minutes, and I didn’t want to go through the answering service, AND I knew that some of the maintenance people were already out and about on the property (they start work a couple of hours before the office opens), I threw on a jacket and went looking for one.

It did not take long. I hailed Saul, who was going by in one of the ‘carts’. He almost could not believe his ears, “Another leak? In the bathroom?” He went to get Carlos, and they were almost back to my apartment by the time I got to my front door.

Sure enough, Carlos checked out the walls in the bathroom, and THIS was a NEW leak, in the wall between my bathroom and linen closet!

It only took an hour or so for the leak to be ‘found & fixed’, wet carpet removed, the NEW molding removed, and for MORE drying equipment to be installed.

I was almost in hysterics...

Off My Hook - Petghans

2007-11-02T22:04:00.000-07:00

I've finished my first two Petghans!

I worked these with two strands of 4ply (ww) acrylic in half double crochet stitch and a N hook. Then I edged them with 2 rows of single strand with single crochet. They are about 18" x 24".

One for each of the Sisters, of course. And they love them! Guess I will be making many more of these for my friends and their pets!

It is amazing how much I had forgotten about Crochet; these are good 'first projects'.

Internet Smokes

2007-10-28T15:31:00.000-07:00

Today I received my order from http://www.internetsmokes.com/.

I order several cartons (a month's worth) at a time. I've been doing this for years now. I no longer smoke my Carlton 120's, just can't afford them, and as far as I know Internet Smokes only sell Native Made ciggies.

But I have found several ultra-light 120's 'brands' that I like at Internet Smokes.

I admit, at first it is a 'hassle', you have to FAX or mail them proof of age, and if you want to use eChecks, set up an account with them. Otherwise you have to send them a Money Order (Thanks to the gov for NOT ALLOWING me to use my 'Plastic' as I WANT on the net to buy ciggies! But that is a whole other Blog Article...), then the order/receive process takes much longer.

But once you get yourself set up and order on a regular basis, you will find it is well worth the initial effort, financially and otherwise.

Anyway, All brands sold at Internet Smokes are 'Stamped by the Taxing Authority of the Seneca Nation of Indians'.

The people are terrific. The service is A+, there is even a phone number to call if you have a problem, which in all these years, has never happened!

Raccoons!

2007-10-26T17:13:00.000-07:00

Last night I was in bed listening to the radio, just starting to doze off when I heard what I thought were strange, furtive type noises on the patio. The Sisters were both right there in bed with me, sleeping soundly, so I was not concerned. Besides, I was 'locked' in and my outside area is well lit.

Then I heard the CRASH of a potted plant hitting the patio floor, and since this has been happening all too frequently of late, I got up and went to the Living Room, without turning on any lights, to see what I could see.

What I saw, kept me up quietly watching from the dark behind almost fully closed blinds. It kept me enchanted and entertained for about two hours in the middle of the night!

There was a 'troupe' or 'family' of 5 Raccoons (It looked like two parents and 3 half growns) using my patio for a playground! They were big, healthy looking, with clean smooth coats. And beautiful black bandit masks! I knew we had plenty of 'city' skunks and possums; I had not a clue about the Raccoons!

The Raccoons chased each other around the potted plants on the patio floor, sometimes taking a 'shortcut' across the top of a plant, almost tipping over the heavy plants in the process. Then they would switch partners, play hide and seek around the larger pots. I have 'stick toys & adornments' in almost all my potted plants (plants like to 'look pretty' too!). Many of these decorative items are mobile in some way or another. The Raccoons would sit up on their hind legs and sniff, try to eat, bat these adornments, then watch or run away for a little ways in what seemed to be a 'mock fright' when they got them to spinning or moving. Then they would tackle another.

It was a magical event! I am so glad I got out of bed and watched the show! On the other hand, one could lose a lot of sleep this way...