Gradually Declining, Again

The past few days have been rough, physically. And remind me exactly of how sick I was before I was first diagnosed with Hereditary Hemochromatosis.

In fact, I have been in bed most of the time lately. I get up, do what little I can (which isn't much!) before I run out of steam, then back to bed.

The kinds of things I usually do when I am out of bed (and most tasks I can't complete without resting or going back to bed for awhile, have to be done in stages!):

prepare & eat some simple food, (sandwiches!)
OR do up a few dishes,
OR take prescribed meds,
OR get my email,
OR take care of the fur babies (they are back on an antibiotic! $60!!!),
OR brush my hair and get dressed,
OR take a shower without washing my hair,
( so far I've showered once in the last week - don't try to imagine what I smell, look like!),
OR return a phone call,
OR empty the trash and get the snail mail,
(and BOTH are really piled up)
OR do my blood glucose & take insulin
OR water the plants.


The symptoms ARE back in full force, though it has been a gradual process:

Muscle pain
Joint pain and soreness
foggy' thinking, can't make decisions
Increasing loss of balance
Easy bleeding & bruising
Choking
Severe Fatigue
NO energy
Muscle weakness (to the point I can hardly sit upright in a chair)
Blue 'lines' in my nails; cold white digits (from lack of circulation - blood is too thick)
Shortness of breath (Ditto, thick blood)
High Blood Sugar symptoms ('cause I'm not taking care of my diabetes)


Therefore, I am NOT:

going anywhere
doing any work (websites, lists, etc)
getting out of the apartment
reading
watching an entire program on TV
making any $$$ (and I am so very broke!)
writing (in any 'working' type sense)
listening to HAM radio
seeing anyone
taking care of 'business'
doing any basic household chores
on any kind of 'life' schedule
living



I realize that this current 'episode' may be self-limiting. It has happened that way before, more than once. I could feel better in a few days. But these 'episodes' are definitely getting closer together and worse.

I also realize that once I can get back to my docs (and boy, is playing 'catch-up' with them and all appointments and procedures going to be difficult & transit cost expensive!), that ALL these symptoms will probably subside, and once again become manageable; but for now I suffer, am hurting, am dejected, am sick, and yes, am depressed.

Life is feeling pretty grim...

Go little scooter, go!

I went to Long's again this afternoon. (And it was an absolutely beautiful summer day!)

Thanks to the NEW batteries for that old scooter; seldom does a day go by now that I don't get out, even if it's just to empty the trash and get the mail. Or just sit in the sun and read for awhile!

And I mentally bless the person who 'donated' the batteries, every time I do!

And it's a good thing, as I talked to insurance rep today; my wheelchair replacement/repairs is STILL hung up in the decision process. They are trying to decide which route to go. Today she told me it shouldn't be over another week. Yea, right!

But because I've got the working scooter, life is much, much better (though it would be nice to get to doc appointments)...

Another Bad Day

My foot is hurting worse and worse. Even the bottom of my foot is now swollen. Most of the toes, and the 'toe' half of my foot is 'twitching'. Of course it wasn't this bad till the doc's office closed for the day!

Would be helpful also if I had houseshoes, but my last pair of those fell apart over a year ago, and I haven't been able to afford new ones (gotta buy cat food and litter, ya know - maybe I need a shrink?)

I've physically overdone it the past couple of days; today I have very little energy. Did get washed, dressed, did my hair this morning. But spent most of the day in bed. Slept ALL afternoon (I hate that!). Especially as it is totally PREVENTABLE; I just need to be able to get to the Hematologist!

I am really MISSING having a TV in the Living Room. It was over 20 yrs. old and finally, like everything else around here, gave up the ghost! It went into the trash bin a few days ago (along with the unrepairable apartment sized 10 yr. old washer and dryer that has sat here uselessly for months).

I do have a 13" TV in the bedroom, and actually that's where I need one the most (like today). But I am already getting tired of 'living' in the Bedroom. I find that I am eating, reading, while sitting on my bed (there's no chair in there). So this too, was bothering me today also, this recent change in my 'background'...

So AFTER I slept half the day; I was hungry (still am). Had the energy to feed the fur babies, and put yesterday's dirty dishes to soak, which got them off the counter. But then I didn't have enough energy to cook.

While I was doing the above, my blue shorts, which are 7 yrs. old and I did weigh 50 lbs more when I originally purchased 'em, fell down around my ankles. I just stepped out of 'em.

Then I felt depressed for real. It just seems that no matter HOW I try, nothing works! This includes kids I raised that could care less, GOOD ebooks that aren't selling, Insurance that I worked all my life for (MediCare), the search for legit work & jobs I can do from here (I really AM a good writer) and (so hard!) asking others for help.

As I stood there in my underpants, I actually started crying, something that doesn't happen often. It was based on frustration and it didn't last long.

I picked up the shorts, put 'em back on. Made myself a cup of decaf, in the hopes of 'de-stressing'. Using my broken walker and barefooted, I limped my way to my very used and doubtfully will NOT work much longer computer, and logged on to my blog.

Perhaps by the time I finish this, I'll have the energy to fry a hamburger patty and open a can of veggies; I'll be eating my dinner in the middle of the night. Sigh...

PS -Jim GU- does the above day constitute accepting that the world is not fair and dealing with it? And does this mean I do not have TALENT, DRIVE, ABLITITY or I wouldn't be in this fix? Or could it be I don't have TALENT, DRIVE, ABILITY because of my enforced lifestyle???