Another Bad Day

My foot is hurting worse and worse. Even the bottom of my foot is now swollen. Most of the toes, and the 'toe' half of my foot is 'twitching'. Of course it wasn't this bad till the doc's office closed for the day!

Would be helpful also if I had houseshoes, but my last pair of those fell apart over a year ago, and I haven't been able to afford new ones (gotta buy cat food and litter, ya know - maybe I need a shrink?)

I've physically overdone it the past couple of days; today I have very little energy. Did get washed, dressed, did my hair this morning. But spent most of the day in bed. Slept ALL afternoon (I hate that!). Especially as it is totally PREVENTABLE; I just need to be able to get to the Hematologist!

I am really MISSING having a TV in the Living Room. It was over 20 yrs. old and finally, like everything else around here, gave up the ghost! It went into the trash bin a few days ago (along with the unrepairable apartment sized 10 yr. old washer and dryer that has sat here uselessly for months).

I do have a 13" TV in the bedroom, and actually that's where I need one the most (like today). But I am already getting tired of 'living' in the Bedroom. I find that I am eating, reading, while sitting on my bed (there's no chair in there). So this too, was bothering me today also, this recent change in my 'background'...

So AFTER I slept half the day; I was hungry (still am). Had the energy to feed the fur babies, and put yesterday's dirty dishes to soak, which got them off the counter. But then I didn't have enough energy to cook.

While I was doing the above, my blue shorts, which are 7 yrs. old and I did weigh 50 lbs more when I originally purchased 'em, fell down around my ankles. I just stepped out of 'em.

Then I felt depressed for real. It just seems that no matter HOW I try, nothing works! This includes kids I raised that could care less, GOOD ebooks that aren't selling, Insurance that I worked all my life for (MediCare), the search for legit work & jobs I can do from here (I really AM a good writer) and (so hard!) asking others for help.

As I stood there in my underpants, I actually started crying, something that doesn't happen often. It was based on frustration and it didn't last long.

I picked up the shorts, put 'em back on. Made myself a cup of decaf, in the hopes of 'de-stressing'. Using my broken walker and barefooted, I limped my way to my very used and doubtfully will NOT work much longer computer, and logged on to my blog.

Perhaps by the time I finish this, I'll have the energy to fry a hamburger patty and open a can of veggies; I'll be eating my dinner in the middle of the night. Sigh...

PS -Jim GU- does the above day constitute accepting that the world is not fair and dealing with it? And does this mean I do not have TALENT, DRIVE, ABLITITY or I wouldn't be in this fix? Or could it be I don't have TALENT, DRIVE, ABILITY because of my enforced lifestyle???