A Christmas Present from Me to Me!

Every year, I buy myself a Christmas Present (Birthday too!), because otherwise I might not get one!

Often it is a 'frivolous' item I've had my eye on for awhile, perfume, etc.

This year, I went PRACTICAL, but it is something I have been wanting for years; an Emergency Response System. Yep, I now wear a 'button' around my neck that I can push if I need help.

It is not a 'national' company, but a local one, so a little less costly. That does not keep it from being 100% effective though!

I felt safer and more secure the moment it was installed...

I also got a SECOND cable box for my OLD 19" color TV in the bedroom, at the rate of $5 month, so I can watch more than the basic channels in there too. And for an additional $3 per month, I subscribed to EWTN (also something I've been wanting for years!).

So an extravagant Christmas! (But no Laptop!)

Christmas 2008

I had a really nice Christmas, (with my little decorated fake ficus!), and the efforts of a few friends. Lots of food, a few visitors, and a handful of gifts to open.

A sadness was that I did not get a call or card from either of my Adult Children, nor did they take or return my calls, even my grandson Michael.

The other fly in the ointment is a UTI that will not go away. So today, on Christmas Day, I had to start on a series of 5 days of injectable antibiotic, gentamicin. This meant going to Scripps Mercy Hospital Infusion room for the medication. And it means TWO injections per day! Ouch!

My Cancer Buddy from the Rock Church is taking me for these. I am truly blessed!

Update on my Daughter

It has been a Full Month since I received the ‘drop dead’ email from my daughter. (BTW, I keep that email in my 'inbox', and read it several times a day. Then I say a prayer...)

Though we had only had a handful of contacts since I was diagnosed with metastatic cancer, I enjoyed each one of them. During the short time she was around, she was a great help to me both physically and emotionally. Plus, I just plain enjoyed her company (I mostly always have), weather on the phone or in person.

Since she ‘cut me out of her life’ (again), I have emailed her, and left messages on her phone about twice a week. Alas, no response.

The thing is, I do not really know the ‘why’ of it. Nor why we cannot work out whatever the problems may be. In fact, I’m currently working privately with a MFCC who would be more than willing to work with BOTH of us, hopefully towards a resolution.

I do know I love my daughter, always have. I have tried to be there for her when she has needed me.

I also know that after my own Mom passed, I had few, if any ‘regrets’ as I spent time with her daily, took her to doc appointments, laughed with her, talked with her, watched TV with her, learned how to take care of her once she was bed bound (give pain shots, turn her in bed, etc). I also saw to it that she saw her grandchildren as often as possible. We (my kids) and I even had a ‘last’, sad and weepy, very difficult, Christmas Eve and Christmas with her in our apartment.

I cannot help feeling that my own daughter is not going to be in that position, and will have regrets the rest of her life, if we do not get some of these issues resolved. And no parent wants that visited on a child…

O Christmas Tree 2008

Even though my 'fake' ficus is beginning to droop (it was a dumpster dive item about 6 years ago!), it still 'dresses' up nice for the Holidays.

What you can't see here is the huge, blinking star on the top. And there aren't any presents under the tree - yet! There IS Egg Nog (low fat!), in the refrigerator.

This little 'tree' gives me great pleasure each year. It gives me hope. And somehow, it strengthens my faith.

Some One Loves Me

A Poem from a poet friend Lisa Wagner, and posted with permission, and EXACTLY as written (and thank you so very much Lisa!).

Lisa Wagner reserves all rights. She also reserves the right to revise this poem, as it was a '2nd draft'.

She don't look special to you -
You can tell she aint healthy,
unmarried and unwealthy, too!

See her, looking so heavy,
dressed almost like
a hobo's linen closet,
and un-beautiful, un-adorned
smells like a bunch of ciggaretts too!

She don't look like your mother
or your mother's mother -
sure don't look like anybody's lover.
I bet your being thankful she ain't you,
And I bet you're feeling positive -
whatever became of her,
could never become of you!

See her - movin' along in her power-chair alone;
See her skin, so pale -
You can tell she hardly ever leaves home,
and with reproach you think to ask youself,
"Would YOU?"

Look at her stuff, hangin' about her wheelchair;
an umbrella, a bag of yarn,
some blanket like overcoat, and eew - !
a bag of urine, too!

She don't look like no one special to you,
She don't look worth an ounce of your regard,
and if she gets too close;
I'm sure you're prepared and feeling rude,
don't even look her in the eyes,
she may need some help, or a word of you -

But she is special to someone.
Yea, she's not always alone -
Somebody Cares
Somebody jumps at her every whim
Somebody visits her, and hugs her.
And even kisses her too!

Yea, she's somebody special, somebody loves her -
(evvy, I do.)
And if no one else in this world
treats you kind,
pay it no sorrow, pay it no mind
Cos' I know someone else who loves you too -
He is God, our Father in Heaven
and amoung him -
You are beautiful, and worthy,
and special, too.

Shingles!

Was at the Oncologists Office today. One of the things I pointed out to them was the 'rash' that was causing me severe burning, and the underlying muscles were agonizing!

They took one look at the 'rash' that ran from my belly, up my torso, and around my waist, and THEY knew what it was!

Seems Shingles is not uncommon among 'chemo' patients. (Jeeze, do I not get to miss any of this fun stuff?). At any rate, they increased my pain pills from 1 to 2, and gave me an antiviral drug - which seemed to make me feel less 'draggy' after about the third pill.

I'll sure be glad when this is healed!

Apologies

I don't seem to be having much luck with apologies being accepted (or being forgiven) lately. However, I have always been pretty good about owning up to my mistakes.

First it was my daughter, she still hasn't accepted my apology, nor apparently, forgiven me.

Then there is a neighbor I definitely owed an apology too, and I've been thinking for the past couple of months on how to approach this neighbor couple. I did not want to broach them individually, but together. So in past weeks, I've made several visits to the area of their apartment, but on all but the most recent occasion, one or more of their cars were gone. Last Sunday however, they were both home, so I knocked on their door. "Who is it?” I was asked.

"It's evvy" I replied to the door. "I'd just like a minute of your time."

"For what?"

"I just felt that I really owed you guys an apology. I wanted you to know that I am sorry, if anything I said hurt or offended you. I wanted to offer a sincere apology."

Silence from behind the door. "OK" I said. If you'd like to talk about it further, just give me a call or drop by." Still silence from behind the door. So I took my leave.

Even if you admit to a 'wrong', acknowledge it, apologize for it, and/or offer to make restitution, it does NOT mean that it will be accepted. And should it be accepted, it does not mean that you will be forgiven.

I think this fact stops a lot of people from making apologies! But, it you have done something ‘wrong’, you need to acknowledge it and take steps to make it ‘right’, WITHOUT regard to the possible outcome (unless of course, if it would somehow hurt someone even worse).

And such have been my most recent experiences.

On the other hand, there are gracious, loving people like the wheel chair van driver I was surly with (too cold, too tired, too hungry). The next time I saw her, I apologized, and she not only accepted the apology, but forgave me and gave me a big hug!

I don't get many apologies coming my way, that's for sure! But when one does, I try to be gracious, accepting, AND forgiving!

I like happy endings…

UTI

I spent all morning at Scripps Mercy ER. Have a UTI, including blood in my urine. Obviously, good sterile technique was not used when Catheters were switched out four days ago. Left for home thoroughly chilled (it was COLD out by San Diego standards) from sitting outside waiting for all lab results to come back, and with a rx for Leviquin and copies of my labs.

2ND Round of Chemo

Was this last week, and although there were some problems (likely not chemo related), it definitely is going better than the first.

The dosage was reduced, and I only went two days instead of three. So on Monday I had Carboplatin and Etoposide (VP-16), and on Wed I just had the VS -16. (Well, on both days I had the ‘pre-meds’, decadron, zofran, etc.)

Tuesday and Wednesday, I was pretty wiped out. Wednesday I was hospitalized for 24hr for an allergic reaction I had to something (fudge that was being passed out? Saccharine that I used in my coffee and had not had for 20 yrs?).

I got home on Thanksgiving about 4PM. A friend was kind enough to bring me a LOT of holiday food. However my daughter or grandson did not put in even a ‘howdy’ visit, as I had hoped.

Friday and Saturday the ‘fatigue’ took over and I did a LOT of napping, probably a lot more napping than ‘waking’. Not much appetite either. Some numbness, (all over), but mainly in my hands, and not nearly as bad as before. Maybe I'll be able to crochet again in a few days. And of course, more hair loss!

Today I am feeling a little better. I go on this Thursday to have a CBC done, to see how the counts are doing. Wish I knew if the Chemo was working…

A Love Letter to a Daughter

Recently I received an email from my adult (42 years old) daughter:

“I've decided that I can't be involved with you. Please don't email or call.

Good luck.”

Perhaps my daughter can abandon me; but I am her Mother, and will not abandon her. I never have, and never will.

Indeed, I have always been there for her, perhaps not as much or as long, as she would have liked, but there (divorce, abusive relationship, moving from another city, pregnancies, lover she found out was married, etc)

True, in past years, when she has failed to respond to emails, phone calls, even notes stuck in her door, for years at a time, I backed off. I was hurt, angry, did not understand, and reacted accordingly.

Because of my own hurt, frustration, and anger, I would call, leaving a holiday or birthday message on her machine, but my tone of voice, I’m sure, was anything but friendly. Then at some other time, I would send her a friendly email (without voice connotation). Without ‘looking’ at my hurt feelings, the reasons for RE-acting the way I did, she must think I am undependable at least, emotionally labile at worst.

Even though I am a Mother, neither of my children seem to understand that I also have feelings, the same feelings they do.

After getting my daughter’s email, I cried, and cried, and cried some more. I did not comprehend why we could not ‘talk’ about this and resolve whatever problem there was.

Then I realized that though my daughter has made a ‘decision’ (a temporary one I hope), it does not relieve me of being her Mother.

Nor does the decision she made relieve her of being my Daughter, or her brother’s sister, or ‘next of kin’ to any family member.

So, I too have made a decision! I will not refrain from calling, emailing, or even stopping by her apartment. I will not abandon her, period…

I have apologized to my daughter for any ‘wrongs’ I have done to her. I have offered to ‘make restitution’ where and if, I can. So here it is in public, for as long as cyberspace has room for it: Lisa I am sorry, and I love you. I pray that you accept my apology, that we can move forward and work this out.

My daughter recently told me that she loved her granny (Aldine Bush), who even though a redhead, was quick to forgive,forget, and love. No one ever saw me treat my mother as my daughter is treating me now. (I wonder what her grandmother would think of my daughter actions.)

I will wrap this up by including:

FROM: http://www.stjohnadulted.org/cmd_05.htm


Honor your father and your mother,
that your days may be long
in the land which the Lord your God gives you
Exodus 20:12 (RSV)

9. What if our parents are not worthy?



What if:
· our parents are not worthy? not “honorable”?
· there is on-going hurt and pain in the relationship that is detrimental or even harmful to us?
· there is a history of child abuse?

There is no simple answer to how we should "honor" our parents in such situation. In such a struggle, we should keep in mind:
· honor is a wide-ranging verb; no one specific behavior is commanded. It is open-ended.
· The commandment to honor our parents is not based upon what our parents deserve, but rather on God's direct command: “Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you. . .” (Deuteronomy)
· Maimonides: “It is possible for a man to honor and revere and obey those whom he does not love.”
· On a first level, "'Honor' speaks to filial behavior, not to filial judgment or sentiment” (Leonard Fein in Broken Tablets)

In such a situation, honor can still involve positive acts to help them, improve their lives, to the degree we are able. Revere/fear can still involve not interfering with the esteem due them from others.

Honor may also involve forgiveness.

Help, I've Fallen...

I could not help but laugh at 6:30 this morning when I found myself on the floor by my bed. I actually had to call 911 and say, "Help, I've fallen and can't get up!"

I had not slept well most of the night, pain, I got cold, I was very worried about my daughter. Well towards morning I finally fell into a deep sleep. And what happens, I fall out of bed! Something I can not ever remember doing (the couch, maybe).

The Firemen and the paramedics were here within 15 or 20 minutes, and it only took them another couple of minutes to get me in my wheelchair.

This afternoon, though, I feel like my entire body is bruised!

Coming Together in their Loss

Lucy (lt) and Big Boy (rt) taking a little afternoon nap. They never 'cuddled' like this before the loss of Ethel.

I have no idea which one got to the bed first, but obviously whomever got there 'second' felt the need for 'contact' and comfort. So do I...

Comfortghan

Today the mail person knocked on my door to deliver a good sized (and unexpected) box.

I opened it to find a beautiful crocheted 'Comfortghan' and letter from a crochet Yahoo group I have belonged to for a couple of years: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/crochetpartners . The squares made and contributed by members of the group.

I was surprised, and stunned. Tears welled in my eyes.

It just so happens that next week I am starting another round of Chemo. I will take this Comfortghan with me every time I go - perhaps it will not only comfort me, but bring me good luck.

First Round of Chemo

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of this week I had my first round of Chemo. It wasn’t so bad except it took so long! Monday I was there 8 hours! Tuesday and Wednesday was about six hours each, so just the amount of time there was exhausting. And it is without a break, you sit in a recliner hooked up to an IV the entire time.

The staff was nice; lunch was even served! The other patients (8 – 10) came and went, and they too were nice. The only problems were: 1) they wanted me to leave my wheelchair out in the hall, and I insisted it (and all that was on it), remain in the room with me, in my sight. 2) Like a child in the backseat of a car, I kept asking ‘are we there yet’. (It is beyond me why they cannot give a realistic estimate of how long it will take, and where you are at in the process.)

Between the ‘treatment’, and the number of hours, I was wiped out by the time the hospital’s van took me home. I was so weak, so very weak…

But my daughter Lisa, came over as soon as I got home and called her, and helped me safely into a nightgown and into bed. Something I appreciated beyond belief. I don’t know what I would have done without her.

Chemo Caps

Since I'm losing my hair, (and with the drugs I'm being given, I WILL lose all of it!) I put out a request for Chemo Caps to Crochet Partners, ( http://groups.yahoo.com/group/crochetpartners )a crochet Yahoo Group I've belonged to for the last couple of years.

Thankfully, I've received a number of terrific crocheted caps! I was amazed at the generosity of these folks...

Chemo Round 2 Scheduled

for the week of; M 11-24, W 11-26, and F 11-28. (I'll be healing from dental extractions.)

Yes, it 'book-ends' Thanksgiving, but I have a friend that is going to bring me a plate of food on Thanksgiving. (I'd rather get rid of the cancer, than celebrate ONE holiday anyway!)

Also, I think the dose is going to be lowered, so hopefully, it won't impact me so severely! I hope so anyway...

White Count & Hair

Had a cbc done yesterday, white count is now up. But I still can't schedule next round of chemo; I have badly needed dental work that needs to be done while white count is up that will delay scheduling for a week.

Did I mention I am now losing my hair??? Not that it was unexpected, but a horrible thing to go through anyway. I got in the bathroom with a plastic trash bad and a pair of scissors, and cut my hair off to about an inch long (suggested). I am tired of waking with hair in my eyes, mouth, etc...

No Chemo This Week

And no Chemo next week. My white count is still too low. It is coming up, which is a good thing, but slowly. This puts me way off schedule for Chemo, NOT a good thing.

I go next Monday for labs. This time, I will have them draw the blood from my ‘port’, as it needs to be ‘flushed’ at least every 4 weeks. (Amazing, but it is still bruised and tender.)

So, I am still ‘hibernating’, keeping away from people, washing my hands, using hand sanitizer after touching a cat, etc. I sure do not want another infection! I am just really ‘over’ the ‘Post-Chemo Pneumonia’, though no doubt I caught that bug during my last hospitalization.

I would think that they are going to have to adjust the dose, that it would be better to have a ‘lower’ dose and keep on schedule, than not. We shall see…

I cut my hair off this week. Took a pair of scissors and a trash bag into the bathroom and cut away. (Not an easy thing since I have ‘numb’ hands because of Chemo Neuropathy!) My hair is now about ½ inch long now. I was tired of having a hairbrush FULL of lost hair every time I brushed, not to mention waking with hair in my eyes or mouth. If my hair had not been so thick to begin with, I would be bald by now. Definitely in need of Chemo caps!

Ethel 2004 – 2008

Ethel lost her battle against the infected wound today. In the end, she was in a lot of pain, so there was no choice (unless I had a spare thousand bucks or so).

I am devastated. I have cried a million tears.

Lucy alternates between being stuck to me like glue, (on my lap, or in my wheelchair backpack) or stalking the apartment looking for her sister in all of Ethel’s usual hiding places.

Sadness, tears, and more tears…

Halloween 2008

Even though I had my lights off and my shades pulled, there were a couple of knocks at the door during last evening.

I miss 'doing' Halloween!

But just can't risk cats getting out. Nor this year, some kidlet, sneezing on me!

Ethel's in Trouble - Again

(Ethel sitting in trash can!)

The vet said that she is not healing correctly. That she either has cellulites, an infection in the underlying fat, or gangrene. That she needs ‘debridement’ at the cost of $300 - $400.

She goes back next week ($45), and will prob need another injection of antibiotic ($$$). If prognosis remains the same, (and it may change, Ethel may get better); I will have to have her put down. I just do not have that kind of money. I do not even have the $45 per week this is running right now – it is coming out of my ‘grocery’ money.

(and bless the 'volunteer' from Sacred Heart Parrish in Ocean Beach, who shuttles Ethel to these appointments)

I am devastated…

Ethel’s Latest Misadventure

On Wednesday, October 22 at 1:30 in the afternoon, I gladly arrived home from spending 5 days in the hospital.

The absolute first thing I did was ‘open up’ the apartment, including letting the Sisters out. Though they had had a ‘caretaker’, they had not been outside for 5 days.

An hour later, first Lucy, then Ethel came racing in the door as if being chased by the biggest dog in the world. I had been in the living room and dining room, and had heard no signs of trouble, no barking, no cat fights, etc.

Still, I did a double take, because of their panicked return; and was amazed to find this horrible wound on Ethel’s left flank. It has never been determined WHAT happened to her. I could not believe our ‘luck’.

BTW, these pics were taken a couple of days AFTER vet care! And the 'missing fur' was caused by the injury, whatever that was, and not medical care.

Metastasis

After 18 days in the hospital, multiple pokes, scans, tests, consultations, and a lumbar laminectomy, I got the dreaded news, Multiple Bone Metastasis. I am stunned…

More Computer Woes

My one and only computer was down for almost two weeks. This was really problematic, as being more or less 'homebound', I depend on my computer for almost everything! So it was imperative to get it repaired.

Thankfully, it's fixed and working well now. But it will take me awhile to 'catch up' (1600 emails ! for one thing).

The repairs required a new motherboard, cpu, power supply, and someone to do all this, as I am physically unable to do so.

My PayPal account has 0 balance, my checking account almost so, and my very meager savings is gone.

If you can see your way clear to click on the PayPal button on this page and donate a bit, please do so. Every little bit counts! And if you can't, boy do I understand!

Thanks!

eBooks, Still Another Hobby!

OK, I'm a collecter of eBooks. I have SO many, I probably won't live long enough to read them all (some for 2nd, 3rd, or more times!)

But that's only PART of the eBook thing folks!

Not digressing, but part of the idea:

I crochet.
And because I crochet, I've become a Yarn Addict! I hunt for,collect, sort, trade, give away what I don't want/can't use, yarn! (I think this takes up almost as much time as actually crocheting - or reading eBooks!)

Folks who crochet call having all that yarn 'a stash'. And the bigger your 'stash', the better (you wouldn't belive the size of some -entire rooms full of yarn and threads!) And my stash is probably just as important to me (or more so?) than the items I actually produce using it.

I currently have (in this small apartment!) 12 plastic, see through,covered, storage (of various sizes - half of them large, on wheels!)containers of yarn! (In my own defense, most are only partiallyfull.) A wicker laudry size basket with projects I'm working on now,and a few large plastic bags or yarn to be sorted...

Since I live on a very very low income (879 mo), I scour freecycle,craigs list, and the local Goodwill, etc for free or very cheap yarn, even though I may not currently NEED it; I might need it someday! (Sometimes this low income, stash hunting is not easy considering I'm in a wheelchair and have no car!)

I will even contact people selling yarn and tell them if itdoesn't sell, I'm here with a couple of bucks.

So, I am always looking to expand my 'stash', be it yarn or eBooks!

Yarn Addict = stash
eBook Addict = eBook library

I am just thankful that eBooks take up so little physical space!

(Anyone out there have any yarn or eBooks they don't want???)

Strange Day, Stranger People

First was the quake. I was sitting at the dining room table, filling out a form or something, when it hit. It did not last long, and it was more of a ‘roller’ than a ‘jolter’. Still, The Sisters sat up and took notice, and this wood building was a ‘creaking’. I went to a doorway, just in case. You never know, I have seen them start small and build. Being pretty experienced in quakes, it immediately occurred to me that it was not centered here in San Diego, and I thought ‘boy, if this originated in LA, it must have been a biggie; but I keep forgetting that Mariner's Coves Apartments sit on a slab of concrete and under that is sandy fill. A few minutes later, I left the safety of the doorway and tuned to CNN for more info.

My current IP (of 2 months) was doing a bit of shopping for me at the time of the quake. Right after that, she called me about something; did I want this or that? Well her cell went out. I tried to call her back and I got some kind of message that the line was not available, try my call later.

Within a few minutes, the front door opened, she set my just purchased stuff just inside the door, leaving the door open a crack. I thought she had gone back to her car for something. I started putting stuff away. And, you know what? She never came back, called, or anything. (She has been kind of flaky the last week, saying she had lost her car keys and couldn’t get into her car for several days – I didn’t believe it, I can almost always tell when they are getting ready to quit.)

After a few minutes, I closed and locked the front door. I do not know if the quake scared her, or if she thought I had hung up on her or what. Why do so many IP’s seem to have personality problems? Now I need a new IP and will have to do without until I find one…

Half-Birthday 2008

Today is my Half-Birthday.

And I did nothing to celebrate! I am definitely in the middle of a flare, and am counting the days till my Rhumy appointment (one week). On top of which, I have a lot of 'other' stuff going on. So I'm lucky to get the coffee made and The Sisters and Big Boy fed. My 'to do' pile is almost as big as my desk, it can really pile up...

For those of you who don't know, a Half-Birthday is the equivalent of being born on 'Festivas'! A Half-Birthday is for those poor folk (like moi!) who were born within the month AFTER Christmas! Being born at such a time, when everyone is broke and hung-over, from THE major christian holiday of the year, is tantamount to NOT having a birthday! There are no parties, big gifts, a day at the circus for us! Nope, we are lucky to get a piece a cake with a candle in it and a verbal 'Happy Birthday', and that in a half-hearted manner.

So sometime in my late twenties, I saw, read, heard SOMEWHERE about half-birthdays! From then on, I've celebrated my half-birthday on July 28. And let me tell ya, there have been some damn fine parties and celebrations! Needless to say, as I've gotten older (and clean & sober), the celebrations have toned down considerably!

Even though it's now a party of one, I still celebrate my half-birthday. Of course, I never expect half-birthday presents - however, feel free to use that PayPal Button!

Musings

I don't really feel like 'blogging' today. But here I am, at the computer, with a few extra mintues to spare. So, what's going though my mind right now...

-The weird, overcast, coolish, muggy weather (from Mexico's hurricanes)
-Should I write my 'memoirs' in blog form or standard or some other as yet unthought of form
-Been 'working' a poem in my head for a couple of weeks, it's not ready yet
-Trying to smoke less, trying to eat less (why bother living???) And how does trying not to do those things affect my creativity? Health may not be worth it!
-Next crochet project
-When will I get another Where's George Hit
-Being very broke (it's the end of the month)
-I'm feeling lonely (I'm ALWAYS alone, seldom lonely)
-Really MUST get down to hard-core time management, soon
-Wondering what my kids & grandkids are doing right now
-It's almost dinner time and gabapentin
-How different would my life be if I could afford my OWN wheelchair van?
-Ditto a condo?
-Or if I were a petite blonde or at least not an 'ugly' person?
-Why don't 'blog readers' make comments?

Grandson Michael

My Grandson Michael is twenty today. I have no idea where he is, how he is, or what he is doing.

I would have liked to have seen him this week, invited him over for a 'birthday' dinner, but I have no way to do so.

I haven't seen him for about two years; when I stopped by his mother's apartment to leave a note on her door and he was there, tall and blonde, and looking like a man.

I can only take solice in the fact that he (they? all of the family?) know where I live and my phone number.

Another small 'life' sadness...

Medium Sized Petghan

This is my first of this size, approx. 25" x 25", which the Snuggles Project http://www.snugglesproject.org/ calls a 'Medium'. It's for a friend's dauchshund.

I don't think I'd want to do one larger than this! This one took almost all of 2 skiens (14 oz. total ?) of Red Hart SuperSaver (two shades of green - you can't tell in these pictures; I need a real digital camera, this cell phone just doesn't do it! Especially as I LOVE colors so much!). And a lot of time!

I used two strands of the SuperSaver at once and a N Hook. Started with a chain of 40 + 2 to turn. Then did solid hdc until it was the 'right' size. I edged it with a single strand of the darker green, 3 rows of sc.

Though I've done many 'petghans', none of this proportion, I still find every crochet project a 'learning experience'!

Time

"So many men, so little time", said May West.

In my life, it's 'So many docs, so little time'. And now with RSD, I've added even more. Sigh...

Cystoscopy Negative!

Still one more Cysto, and both the physical exam and the cytology were negative. Yes!!!

I wish I'd kept track of how many of these I've had (I know I've had 4 TURB's), since I was diagnosed with G1T3 Bladder Cancer. Since I STILL have one every 6 - 8 months, and early on it was every 2 - 3 months, I can say I've been through this proceedure a LOT.

Still, it beats a same day biopsy! Or worse...

After all, "Patients with T1G3 bladder tumours who are treated conservatively are at life-long risk of having a muscle-invasive tumour and dying from bladder cancer." ( http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/journal/120699915/abstract?CRETRY=1&SRETRY=0 )

The Sisters and Big Boy

<--Lucy (rt) & Ethel (lt) on one side of the patio, Big Boy, on the other -->







They are enjoying the warm days and evenings to the hilt! I usually let the Sisters out for about an hour in the morning and two hours at sunset.

I find Big Boy sitting at the patio door, first thing in the morning, he comes in, eats, goes to bed IN MY BED, sleeps till sunset, eats and socializes with the Sisters, then goes out for the night when it's fully dark.

Today, it was almost sunset when I got these pictures.

(Do they have me well trained, or what?)

Another Poncho Completed

Wow. I finally finished this Poncho! I designed it myself. It has a scoop neck with a 'roll' collar in a nice soft Sage (the picture above does NOT do justice to the color!). And of course, it's XXX sized

Every stitch done, every end woven in. Seemed like it took forever (especially that ruffle all the way around!). I still have one skein of this yarn left. Want to make a kind of 'hoodie' to match, but just am not in the mood at the moment, want to move on to something else...

I need to make rectangles and grannies with the yarn left over from this project.

And in fact, I need some more 'Don't Lose Your Marbles' as I've gifted all but one of them, and I like to keep extras available.

Lymbrel

Last time I saw my Rheumatologist, she gave me some samples of Limbril to help with joint pain.

Limbrel is a new, by prescription only, medical food product (flavocoxid 500mg) for help with some types if arthritis.

Well the samples DEFINITELY helped with my joint pain, especially the pain in my wrist and thumb joints!

The good news today is that my MediCare Part D Insurance approved it for me!!! Yes! Now perhaps I can crochet more with less pain.

Wendy

This evening I had a visitor, Wendy, a cyber-pal. We have been emailing back and forth with for years! We finally met f2f.

She was visiting family in the area (from Amsterdam, where she lives), and graciously granted me a few hours.

We had dinner, exchanged a couple of gifts; I gave her a petghan for her cat and a ‘Don’t Lose Your Marbles, she gave me a fridge magnet that says ‘Holland’ on it, a book, and a loved designer box.

And. we talked and talked and talked! Hope she had as good of a time as I did!

Ethel, The Huntress!

When I first started taking the Girls 'out', Ethel (the alpha) would bring small, dry 'sticks' fallen from the trees, inside and drop them at my feet.

Sometimes, the 'sticks' would be more like 'branches' and she could hardly drag them onto the patio, let alone though the barely open patio door. So she left them just outside.

She always let me know that she'd bought me an 'offering', with a specific vocalization. And I've always praised her for that.

But now, even with a collor that has a loud bell on it, she is somehow managing to catch birds!

Last week, the first time, she bought in a tiny (and dead) sparrow.

Today, it was a hummer!

Of course, she drops these 'gifts' right at my feet, and gives the vocalization! And I praise her, then dispose of the poor dead bird.

A neighbor said they must be really stupid birds, to be caught by a cat that has a loud bell on! Maybe so...

My First 'My George' Hit!

I was so excited to receive an email today from www.wheresgeorge.com telling me that I had a 'hit' (MY FIRST ONE), on one of the bills I had listed.

"This bill has travelled 19 Miles in 20 Days, 22 Hrs, 57 Mins at an average of 0.92 Miles per day. It is now 19 Miles from its starting location."

And the bill was notated: THIS BILL WAS USED AT HILLSDALE MIDDLE SCHOOL IN RANCHO SAN DIEGO.

I just love this kinda stuff! Yes! May there be many more 'hits' to come...

"Don't Lose Your Marbles!"

First 3 "Don't Lose Your Marbles!"

After of months of cogitating and trying this, then trying that, I finally came up with a 'gifting' idea I am proud of!

"Don't Lose Your Marbles!" (copyright: evvy garrett 2008) is a small crocheted bag containing flattened glass marbles, that, in the end, is a combination of worry beads and a bean bag. You can easily hold it in the palm of one hand, and 'worry' it with your fingers. Or toss it back and forth between hands.

OR just by keeping in in purse, pocket, briefcase, glove compartment, etc, you can be sure that you will never LOSE YOUR MARBLES!

Made of 100% cotton 4 ply yarn and then filled with flattened glass marbles (not for young children!), it is hand washable. I would not trust it to a dryer though, it would probably be better to lay it on a table to dry.

Sample Bag with marbles






Since I made the first one to gift to a friend on May 13, 2008, "Don't Lose Your Marbles" have been wildly popular among my friends, some of whom are requesting them for THEIR friends and relatives!

Perhaps "Don't Lose Your Marbles" will be the next big 'pet rock'
or 'beanie baby' fad! (This 'concept' and/or pattern is NOT for private use - all rights are retained by evvy garrett.) Anyone know any 'developers', manufacturers, etc.?

Another Mother's Day Alone 2008

However, my son did phone in the evening. It was a very brief call, almost 'hi' and 'bye', sigh. He said his battery in his cell was going (so why didn't he use his regular phone?) Still I am very grateful...

Mother's Day Celebration for me...

I was able to make it down to JoAnn's store today. Bought 4 skeins of Caron One Pounder yarns, 5 skeins of kitchen cotton and some 'notions'. Stopped by Von's before coming home, got a bundt cake for tomorrow.

A lot to carry home on the bus, but I made it. The trip wore me out though, was glad to get home!

Off My Hook - Shawl, 'Tasseled' Wrap Around

Pattern can be found at: http://web.archive.org/web/20010417205031/www.cei.net/~vchisam/groovy/7706.html

I made it REALLY big. And I didn't 'fringe' it (I am not a 'fringe' person), just added a lot of extra rows till I got the length I wanted. Still, only took 10 days...

I used a K Hook and it took 2.6 skeins of dark variegated, Red Heart Super Saver.

Finished measurements: 66" wide, 33" from 'point' in back to neckline.

Here is a close up of the stitch and the neck edging.

This one was really fun, and went fast. It's also 'quick' enough to make for a needed 'gifting'.

Sometime, I may alter this to make two triangles, and put them together for a 'summer weight' poncho...

Somedaze are like that

It was a beautiful, warm afternoon. So I went cruising around the apartment complex, specifically the trash bins.

Today I was prepared, had some extra plastic trash bags in my backpack and my 'reacher' on my lap.

And nadda! Not one thing. Guess everyone was too busy doing outside things to empty their trash!

It's unusual to not find ONE thing...

April Fool's Day

No, I didn't get fooled today (at least I don't think so!). Nor did I 'fool' anyone else.

But I did see a 'history' of great April Fool's Day greatest pranks on CNN today. And, lo and behold, there was an item I had been looking for for YEARS.

As a child, I saw on TV some kind of editorial or something about 'Spaghetti' growing on trees and being harvested. I loved it! I laughed and laughed. Have remembered it all my life. Have told many people about it. But never again saw it, or heard about it.

CNN said that it was an April Fool's Prank (British) from 1955 (I was nine!). Now everyone can see it at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaU1y-dS-Bg

Off My Hook: Rose Stole

Just finished it, a light weight, openish rose stole. It took a long time as I wanted to make it extra wide and long. It's for a friend - hope she likes it!

Fun! Another Hobby!

Like I needed another?

Today, as I was putting away money I'd gotten as change from a recent shopping trip, I ran across a dollar bill that was stamped with:

"See where I've been
Track where I go next
www.wheresgeorge.com"

Of course, I went right to the computer! www.wheresgeorge.com is a site where you can TRACK (literally!) your money.

I fell in love with the idea, and immediately ordered the 'Where's George' Stamp from https://www.stamp-connection.com/ For a cost of about $15.00 .

I know, I know, I shouldn't spend $15.00 so frivolously! But what fun! And where else could I find ongoing fun and a new hobby for a total cost of $15.00 ?

Can't wait to get the stamp, so I can start stamping, spending, tracking my paper money!

Do go check out the site, you may find a new hobby also...

A nice set of dinnerware!

I haven't been 'dumpster diving' for months.

I've been ill a lot. Then there was the weather, seemed like it was always either cold, windy, or rainy. Then too, it was full dark SO early! But now both those conditions have changed.

So today, not really expecting to find anything, as it was mid-week, and not the end of the month (the best times to find 'stuff'), I went on my dumpster diving rounds.

The first thing I came across was a full, sealed, box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts. I left those for the next 'diver'.

At another bin, I found a service for four of neat ceramic dinnerware. It was matte black with 'drizzled' gray stripes. The bread plates were square. Well, I couldn't use them (too heavy for me to handle, I use Correll), but I thought of a neighbor that might like them.

So I zipped by her apartment, and she was home. Not only did she love he dinnerware, but she had just finished cooking a spiral cut ham and all the trimmings. So I got to take home some yummy food!

Ocean Beach CA Wild Green Parrots

They are early this year. Perhaps because of the 'wet winter' we just had; everything is green and blooming earlier than usual.

At any rate, the flock of wild green parrots arrived just before sunset to settle into the trees for the night. This year I had an audio recorder. (I haven't tried getting pics myself yet!)

Their noise drives some of my neighbors nutso, especially at dawn, when the awake and prepare to leave for the day. I sleep right though it. And I find their 'noise' of an evening, a joy!

Here is audio of the entire flock settling in to roost of an evening! http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/9/22/1450734/001.001.2007_07_23_19_56%20Parrots.mp3

This was one of my first attempts at audio recording! I recording them from my patio, as they were circling around, and fighting for roosting spots high overhead! This goes on for about an hour and a half; from when the sun starts setting till first full dark, for weeks on end!

And here is a great public domain video, made in Ocean Beach, CA by an unknown person. http://www.archive.org/details/parrots_sanDiego_2006

Big Boy's Reaction

Big Boy, the stray that moved in with us last year, has been really bent out of shape since I was gone for almost 3 days (ER & Hospital).

He hasn't come in and crashed on my bed like in this pic of him from last month, since I returned!

He, very nervously, runs in, eats, runs back out a couple of times a day. Poor thing has probably been 'abandoned' so many times, he thought it was happening to him AGAIN.

Two step forward, one step back with this wonderful guy!

Fans! I have fans!

I received this message today. “Evvy, I don’t think you update your personal blog enough...I enjoy reading it.”

I would LOVE to keep this blog current! The problems against doing so are many and profound.

1) Health Issues – being ill, an auto immune flare, doc appointments (getting ready, the visit itself, coming home can sometimes take all day), spending hours on the phone to the pharmacy or doc office, taking my meds, keeping my Deltec CoZmo Insulin Pump running correctly (and testing my blood sugar many times a day) etc take up so very much of my time. I hate this stuff, but someone has to do it.

2) Money - Searching advertisements weekly, cutting coupons and making shopping lists to pinch that penny, take a great deal of time. Not to mention seeking (and seldom finding) freelance writing gigs.

3) After that on my priority come activities of daily living; showers, doing a few dishes, laundry, watering plants, getting a haircut, and all the mundane stuff of life. It probably takes me 3 times as long to do these everyday tasks as most other folks.

4) Others!
-I volunteer one afternoon every week for a local pet charity, hopefully, I help both the animals and the people. It is only one four-hour phone shift per week, but it wipes me out.

-I try to do SOMETHING daily for someone who needs it. Often it is only a phone call, an email, or a cup of coffee.

-And I try to meditate/pray daily for those in need of help.

7) Here is where my ‘art’ fits in; writing a poem, working on some creative writing, staying in touch with writers, and writing. I hate that this has dropped so low on my priority list, (Ahhh, the fire STILL burns in my belly & soul) but if you are not breathing, and cannot pay your rent, you are not going to be doing much writing!

8) Next comes the ‘fun stuff’ like, an afternoon at the beach wall looking at the Pacific & people watching, reading a mystery novel (daily!), quality time with The Sisters (daily!), or once or twice a year, an afternoon at the mall. Crocheting (almost daily) comes in here also.

9) Last on my list time/energy wise, is this blog. I do not like it, but that is the way it is.

But thank all of you that read ‘evvy’s blog’ regularly, especially those of you that comment and or send me mail & emails!