Christmas 2006

It hasn't been a terrible day, but not a particularly good one either.

I did call my daughter and grandson this morning, left a message on their machine. As I am fond of telling everyone; I have no control over what other people do, only over what I do. Therefore I made the call, even though I didn't want to. And I was actually relieved to get their machine.

A lot of pain today; shoulders and hips. A lot of fatigue. Had to lie down for about an hour and a half this afternoon. And I didn't get dressed today. (In fact, it's been several days since I got dressed.)

Like my Mom used to say; 'you know you are sick when you have a little money in your pocket and you don't go spend it.'

Well, I've had a 'little money' in my pocket for a week and I'd love to spend it! I had planned to go out yesterday, when I was too ill, I changed the plan to today. Was going to go pick up some milk, bread, and cat food. Now it's on my agenda for tomorrow.

I like to get out. See people, sometimes chat with the friendlier ones. Look at the store displays. That kind of thing. And if I have a buck or two, buy something I 'want' as opposed to something I need.

Today I threw on my jacket and took the trash out, and considered myself lucky to do that. (It seemed much warmer out today, I'm happy to say!) There were good movies on TV this afternoon. And I had leftovers for dinner; leftover chuck roast, mashed potatoes, and green beans that I'd cooked yesterday. Yummy!

After dinner, a neighbor called to say Merry Christmas. And I felt ashamed that I hadn't called a couple of folks today to say hello. Though it's been my experience that most are with family or have made some kind of plans for this Holiday.

This neighbor also thanked me for all the 'jokes' I forward. And I was reminded that I hadn't sent out notice about 'evvy's corner' in months. Perhaps I'll do that tonight.

Some days, all you can do is 'get through' and today was that kind of day...

Parathyroid Doc - Round 3

I finally got the last round of bloodwork drawn to have a Whole PTH done at Scantibodies Lab. ($9 just for this.) Because of the 'season' will probably take forever to get the results.

In the meantime, my muscles are so weak, gait is so bad, am back in wheelchair most of the time. I have severe fatigue again, am spending a lot of time in bed on most days.

The good news? I've been doing my reasearch. I've found that 'chronic hyperparathyroidism can CAUSE just such muscle symptoms! Since I've suffered from this off and on all my adult life, you'd think I'd know all about it. But there's always something new to learn!

A good sources of info on what I'm going through, if anyone is interested:
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001215.htm#Symptoms

IP quit before she started!

Yep, the IP I just hired, who was supposed to start work today, called last night to say she couldn't take the job. She said her husband had fallen and broken his leg. That he was in a cast and she needed to take care of him (right).

First thing this morning, I called for another list. But the holidays are upon us...it could be a long time till I get someone else.

Cysto Postponed

This was the day I was supposed to have my 'inpatient' (meaning a spinal and a little sedation) cysto/retro to look for a source of the very occasional bleeding with Dr. Salem.

But last week I called and postponed it till Jan 2007. I'm just too sick, broke, overwhelmed to go through something like this right now.

This kind of procedure is especially vexing as I have no one to pick me up and bring me home as I need wheelchair transit. And the same-day surgery unit does not allow use of MTS Access!

Sometimes, enough is enough!

Another New IP

This afternoon I interviewed and hired an IP. Such a relief! My sheets are in dire need of being changed (I've been using 'chux' type bedpads on them, changing every couple of days.), and the floors are filthy.

It would be so very great if I could get someone that would stay a few months!

Tired, tired, tired

Slept in today. And slept pretty well last night actually, (no cramps in my hips) even if I do have to sleep with my left lower leg and foot hanging off the bed and uncovered.

But my muscles definitely seem to be getting weaker. Am having more and more trouble getting out of, standing up from, the chair I transfer to that's in front of my desktop. It's the strangest thing; there's no numbness, cramps, etc. I can fully move both legs, just can't stand.

When I am standing, gait and balance, ankle pain, is so much worse again. Am back to using wheelchair inside the apartment, not a walker. Bummer.

And I'm choking a lot; liquids (even saliva) goes down the wrong way. This is all getting increasingly worse AGAIN.

I think all this is getting me depressed...

More Frustration

I emailed Dr. Deftos that the lab work had NOT been done and asked him where I should go next.

Unfortunately, two days later, I got an 'out of office' for a week reply.

Sometimes I could just scream, if I had enough energy...

Docs and More Docs

First, I had the van drop me at UCSD Hillcrest Medical Center to have the 3rd (and final round?) of PTH's drawn for Dr. Deftos. Well, I was there, in the outpatient lab for over an hour. The wouldn't do the test. Said they were unable to send lab work out to Scantibodies Lab (though he had faxed them the lab request days before, guess no one actually looked at it!). They tried to call Dr. Deftos without any luck. I was so dissappointed; I feel so bad, the sooner all this gets done, the sooner I might get some relief.

Then I went to Dr. Stanton's, just in my wheelchair on the sidewalks. It was just a few blocks away, and I had allowed plenty of time, even taking into consideration being at the UCSD lab for an hour. Still, I managed to get 'semi' lost in a part of town I know well. I had to laugh, perhaps I need a GPS system on my wheelchair!

At my appointment with Dr. Stanton the Hemotologist, my Hemoglobin was 15.5, no wonder I've been so fatigued. That's a 'normal' result for most people, but too high for me. I feel my best when right at 14. I had a phlebotomy.

Dr. Stanton also ordered some labs to see if there's any reason for my life-long excessive bleeding problems, which seem to either be getting worse as I get older, or I'm just having too many accidents and medical proceedures done! Those tests (not Pro-Times!), probably won't be back for a couple of weeks, partially due to the coming holiday.

I was so tired by the time I got home, didn't even 'nuke' anything. Had a can of slim fast for dinner and went to bed with the TV and my 'burning leg', whatever THAT is...

Any good Dentists out there?

I went to the dentist today, or at least I tried to. I made the appointment two weeks ago. And I spent all morning just getting me ready to go. ($9 round trip for nothing!)

Now I need to interject that I've been going to this dentist for the past 4 years!

I got there to find that the Dental Office had moved to a completely different part of town! The offices were empty! There was not even a sign on the door saying when they had moved, or where.

So I called them from my cell while sitting on a side street that seemed to have less traffic. Sure enough, the dental practice had moved! When I inquired as to WHY I hadn't been informed of this when I'd made my appointment, or sent a card or letter, I got the usual Chicano minimum-wage-employee response: excuses and platitudes.

They then were actually upset when I cancelled my appointment! I had to point out to them that not everyone had a car to jump into and race across town, that I had SCHEDULED a return trip on disabled transit, and had to be in that location to be picked up and returned home. Even after I'd explained why I couldn't just go to their new location; she didn't get it, didn't have a clue!

I had to wait two hours for my 'ride', and luckily I was in a part of town where I could buy a cup of coffee, and window shop. Still, I got too chilled being outside that long.

By the time I got home, I was angry, frustrated, and absolutely exhausted.

IHHS

Well, my current 'provider' called me this evening and quit without giving me any notice. This one had worked a whole month!

I realize that MOST of these women only take these part-time care provider jobs to 'fill-in' till something better comes along. Still, I think they should show some responsibility to the people they help care for by at least giving two weeks notice. It really ticks me off...

In 2006 I've gone through In Home Supportive Services Providers like a chocoholic through a bag of M&M's. I can't even remember how many there have been. Or their names.

It probably takes about 4 - 6 weeks to find a replacement. The hours & energy spent getting the lists from IHHS, calling the people on the list, doing telephone interviews, setting up and conducting in-person interviews, and checking on references probably would be better spent on other items.

So not only do my floors get dirty quickly, but I have less energy for fixing meals, taking a shower, or playing with the girls. (Not to mention Blogging!) Clean laundry quickly piles up on the dining room table, delivered groceries that I don't have the energy to put away live UNDER the table, dust layers the furniture, and sacks of trash, neatly stack up on the patio chair.

This all sounds chaotic, but not so! It's my system of coping with life all by myself. A system I've developed by trial and error over the years. And somehow I muddle though; though I must admit, I've never gotten used to living in a 'dirty' house.

But one MUST have priorities! And though I don't 'like it', the above things are not high on my list anymore.

Without help, my priorities change drastically. I try to shower 3 times a week, do up the dishes every other day, the laundry I do as I can, putting it in laundry basket on the dining room table and draping things that need to be hung over a chair. I empty the trash and get the mail a couple of times a week. If my energy level is REALLY low, and my muscles really weak, I need to lie down in the middle of the day.

Often I will ignore the phone and email till I can 'get to it'.

I eat mainly microwave frozen entries, adding cottage cheese, canned veggies, fruit cups, diet jello, etc. Oatmeal, toast, eggs, and sandwiches. Easy fix, easy clean up, easy carb count stuff!

I 'pooper scoop', and feed the girls daily, as usual; but their dishes pile up in the sink with mine! And sometimes days will go by without me really 'playing' with them.

It's amazing what one able-bodied (meaning: not ill) IHHS Provider can get done in the 4 hours a week I'm 'allotted'. When I don't have it, there is such a difference in how I live, even to maybe being out of milk or some other needed commodity, for days.

A hell of a way for a perfectionist, type-A person to live, but sadly I've come to accept it...

Jake's Birthday

Jake turned 13 today! A 'real' teen now. They live outside Indianapolis, IN. A very long way from here...

Jake is my son Jon's oldest (he also has a daughter, Katie). These are my two YOUNGEST grandchildren, and now one of them is a teen!

By next year, I will not have any grandchildren under 'Middle-School' age. I feel so very old...

Thanksgiving 2006

Another Holiday spent alone...

Thanksgiving was always 'big' with my family, then my kids. When they grew and flew, I used to invite folks in and I still 'cooked'. Over the years, it just became physically impossible for me to do all that cooking and clean up; so Thanksgiving eventually downsized to include only me. For a couple of years, I tried 'going out' for this celebratory meal, but it just was not satisfying, and there were no leftovers. I'd rather have what I can cook and eat!

This year, as usual, I fixed my by now 'standard' diabetic holiday meal: baked chicken thighs, a box of cornbread dressing, sugar free Cranberry Jello, brown & serve dinner rolls with butter, and a cold diet coke. Food that will provide a yummy dinner for several nights!

Basically, it's a good Thanksgiving meal, and one I enjoy. Of course, I don't 'pig' out on this sumptuous stuff. That's not allowed. I do measure/weigh my food...

Notice the LACK of goodies that I would have enjoyed 20 yrs ago, ie turkey with homemade dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy, Waldorf salad, canned cranberry sauce, etc.

Still, have NOT given up my pumpkin pie covered with Cool Whip (Lite!), I have it as a bedtime snack, and not as part of my meal. In fact, I buy a small pie, and have this snack for 4 nights, and pay for it with a higher morning blood sugar. But it is worth it.

My son Jon in Indianapolis did call me today, and I got to talk to both of those grand kids.

T.C.O.Y.D.

Take Care of Your Diabetes! Even though these conferences started in San Diego, CA in 1995, by Dr. Steven Edelman, I'd never been to one. There was always some reason not to go...

From their web site:
T.C.O.Y.D. "invites people with all types of diabetes to its 12th annual flagship program for a full day of seminars, workshops and one-on-one opportunities with leading experts in diabetes care, to the San Diego Convention Center on November 18. This is the 78th conference nation-wide."

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But this year I did attend TCOYD, San Diego, and it was great! It was held at the San Diego Convention Center where Diabetics, family members, all kinds of medical folks, suppliers, etc. took over a large part of the 2nd floor.

Billed as the "Nationally-renowned patient conference on latest treatments for diabetes", after attending, I have to agree!

I have no idea how many people were in attendance, but my guestimate would be HUNDREDS! You spent the day literally 'rubbing' shoulders with other people.

I was diagnosed with DM type 2 about 15 years ago (though I truly believe that I developed it by age 8), and have been injecting insulin for much of that time. (By the time I went to this event; I'd been using my new Deltec Cozmo pump for a couple of weeks!). My point being, I've ALWAYS taken care of my Diabetes by conferring with my docs, reading the latest studies, taking my blood sugars, et al. So I can't say I learned anything 'new' here, but I'm sure a lot of people with Diabetes did.

When the day's event was over, I was exhausted. And, I came away with a heavy shopping bag FULL of freebies, handouts, coupons, booklets, etc. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, I took home with me a renewed commitment to TCOYD which is something EVERY Diabetic, perhaps especially those of us who are 'long time Diabetics', who tend to suffer 'burn out' need most!

I urge you; if you have Diabetes or have a loved one that suffers from this horrible disease. Please, please attend a TCOYD event!

The Sisters finally have all shots!

Today, a friend came and took the Sisters in their big, old, airline crate to get the second half of their initial shots!

We are done with 'shots' for a year!!! Yea! And next year I will 'stagger' them. Lucy one month and Ethel the next, so it won't be so hard on the bank account.

What a long hard road it's been with them! Had I known they were sooo ill, and that it would be sooo long before they were well; I might never have 'adopted' them.

They are 2 1/2 years old now, and just finishing up their 'baby' shots! The URI virus they were born with (and the vet said that it was the worst year for virual pneumonia, uri, etc, that she'd ever seen!) ruled our lives for almost two years!

The could NOT go outside, nor be exposed to other animals (even if immunized animals!) till they'd had their own shots. They could not GET their own shots till they were free of all viral symptoms for a month! And it took 2 years for that to happen...

Just when I thought I could get them immunized, one or the other would come down with a runny nose, runny eyes, sneezing fits, or a cough! It's been gruesome.

Then, because they were WAY past the age to be immunized, they had to have TWO sets of half dose (but not half price!) vaccines.

But they are not only healthy now, but immunized! So hopefully they won't be getting all that kitty URI stuff again.

The next step? To get Advantage in here. Then I will start taking them outside! They can have a 'real' kitty life, chewing grass, laying in the sun, chasing blowing leaves, etc.

I will really have to be careful though, as they have NO experience with cars, other people, etc. I will only take them out when I can go out! They may not even 'like' it out there...

I am only planning on doing this because they are so well trained to come to me when I shake that Kitty Caviar can! And the only time the will get it is when they COME inside for me...

This Blog need pruning!

Spent a brief amount of time reviewing this blog, as BlogSpot has some 'new' features I'd like to incorporate. So I was looking over 'evvy's blog'.

I think I need to dedicate a couple of hours to 'pruning' and tweaking!

Parathyroid Doc - Round 2

The first labwork came back with a normal Calcium level and a hight PTH. So we are on to a repeat of these at a second lab. That was drawn today.

In the meantime I am suffering severe muscle cramps in my hips at night. Am hardly getting any sleep at all...

And have episodes of irritability where I'm not fit to be around anyone or anything.

Halloween 2006

I just never know, some years here at the Cove's, there are 3 trick-or-treaters, and some years, I'm absolutely slammed. I've never figured out what the 'predictor' is.

Last year I actually ran OUT of goodies to give out. I had to turn off my porch light, and ignore the knocks on the door. I felt like Scrooge!

So, in spite of the new 'security' fence and gate that is now fully operational, this year I stocked up. I purchased a variety of individually wrapped hard candies, stuff that I like, just in case. I had a little plastic black cauldron 3/4 full of candies.

The kidlets started arriving just at dusk. And they kept coming in little, adult supervised groups, till 10PM.

They were so cute! I even had one memorable costume, Harry Potter! He was adorable with the plaid shirt, glasses, hair, and freckles. Over half the candy was given out.

This year, unlike last, The Sisters stayed out of the way, yet weren't scared by all the unusual activity at the door.

I love Halloween...

Conspiracy Nut?

I am, and am not, a Conspiracy nut. What I am is a skeptical (very!) person.

I find it strange that Cox Cable experienced off /on then total outage this morning in my area at same time small plane crashed into NYC building. This effected my tv cable, internet, and telephone at various times.

When was the last time Cox had such a total outage in my area??? I can't remember when.

When was the last time a small private place crashed into a fifty story apartment building? Anywhere in the US?

Is there a possibility, just a slight possibility, we are not being informed by our government about terrorism, phone taps, email scanning & reading etc???

Damn! if the spinich and lettuce don't get you, the planes will!

Parathyroid Doc - Endocrinologist

Today, for the first time ever, I actually had a face to face appointment with Dr. Deftos. I saw him at the UCSD 'Perlman' Medical Center in La Jolla (so $9 round trip).

I've actually been 'consulting' with Dr. Deftos THROUGH some of my other Endos, that have 'consulted' with him for the last several years. Now I'm STILL having hyperparathyroidsim, even though all med changes etc that he's suggested, have been given a good try. So I am now eliminating the 'middle-man-doc' and going straight to the source.

Especially as I am slowly getting sicker and sicker.

I made sure I took in copies of all the records I could get my hand on, and there were a lot, especially labs! I was even able to take the the surgical report from 1982.

We had also been in touch via email to even make this appointment. Since he is in research, and is a 'formost' parathyroid specialist in America, you don't just call up and request an appointment. It took me two weeks just to track down his email address from my other docs.

So, I was anticipating and prepared for this appointment. I was also prepared to be 'brushed off' (he IS a researcher), or for him to refuse to take me on as a patient.

Neither was the case. He listened to me. He briefely reviewed my records. He asked me some pertinent questions. Then he lined out what he would do and how he would do it.

First of all he wanted all current Calcium, pth, tests repeated at his lab. (The blood was drawn today). Then, it they come back too high, he will have the SAME tests done at two OTHER Labs, one at a time, depending on if the results continue to come back too high.

He then spoke of, POSSIBLY, down the line, a full body CT, a second Sestamibi Scan of entire head/chest. (I kept blacking out during the first one I had 4 yrs ago-so not looking forward to that!). Then we'd go from there.

So, he accepted me as one of his patients!

I left there, having had the first set of the 3 bloodworks drawn, feeling like there might be some help after all, but it isn't going to be either fast nor easy!

The Coves BBQ 2006

Compared to last year, there were hardly any people there! I was amazed. Usually it’s a packed event. But I think last year, it was scheduled before September.

September brings a lot of little stuff folks need to do, especially if they have kidlets in school. I also think there was a Padres game this afternoon, and I know the annual ‘light show’ event is scheduled for tonight at Qualcomm Stadium.

There were very few people there I knew, and they came, ate, left!

As always the food (catered) was great. But I didn’t eat too much, as my post meal blood sugar proved.

And there was a DJ, and a good mix of music that was so loud you couldn’t talk to anyone.

Something new this year – a drawing for 3 $50 gift certificates. Of course, I didn’t win one!

I just wish it were more often than once a year. I’m not quite sure what this ‘event’ is for; if it’s for residents to ‘meet’ each other, once a year doesn’t get it. I’d rather have hot dogs once a month!

HUD Inspection 2006

My apartment failed Inspection today; because some of the plaster/paint is chipped (actually, a LOT, all over the apartment, though no worse than last year!).

I tried to explain to the woman that I’d lived here 8 years, and it needed painting. (Which the inspector last year definitely commented on – and I had to hire someone to wash the bathroom walls and the owner came in and painted it.). Her reply to this was that the management wouldn’t paint my apartment because “You smoke in here”.

Has everyone in the whole friggen world gone nuts???

But she would have NONE OF IT. She said not only would the repairs have to be made, but I would need to get ‘plastic’ corners to protect the walls from my wheelchair and walker! That they were available at Home Depot for a couple of bucks each.

People who have cars, and are not ill, just don’t ‘get it’. Right, I’ll just run right down to Home Depot, whip out my checkbook, come back home and pay someone to install them!!!

This of course means, I have to go through this all over again next month. Sigh. After the management repairs and paints the dings all over my apartment. I can only hope they regard this as ‘normal wear and tear’ after 8 years of use, and not change me for it!

But, I’ve been thinking, I WILL NOT put plastic corners up on the walls! This is NOT a ‘nursing facility’ it’s my ‘home’. ; Maybe this Inspector woman who arrived today with her nose in the air, and a regular paycheck, encases her couch in plastic and puts vinyl runners on her carpet, but I don’t live that way. And won’t

Think I'll pour myself a can or two of Orange Soda, over lots of ice, and go to bed with my cats. I'll watch some television, let my leg ooze blood, emotionally gird myself for the wheelchair repairs tomorrow...and turn OFF the world for awhile!

Another Medical Hassle

And it’s my own fault.

Today I went to a dermatologist to have a mole that had suddenly started getting big, removed from my thigh. He said he was ‘cauterizing’ it, so I didn’t mention I was a ‘bleeder’ because of the HH. Now this was no big thing, the mole was maybe only half the size of a dime and from what I can see, he only took out a little scoop of my dermis, though considerably deeper than a cat scratch, that’s for sure.

When he was done, he put a BAND AID on it, gave me a standard ‘care’ instruction sheet (which by the way, didn’t mention BLEEDING). And I went merrily on my way.

By the time MTS Access (disabled transit - $4.50 each way) picked me up and delivered me to my curb, I was starting to feel a little pain in that thigh, and maybe a little wet. (Dumb me!).

When I got in the apartment, and went to the bathroom, I discovered I’d bled through my slacks, through the wheelchair pad, onto the seat itself. I was ticked! Slacks are hard to come by – hope I can get the stain out!

Well, I padded the ‘Band Aid’ with a wad of paper towels, as the cats needed dinner and I needed to to a blood glucose and pump some insulin, and other household things. I bled through those in about 2 hours.

Next, at the suggestion of a friend who had incidentally called, I put intermittent pressure on it with an ice pack. That helped. Still, the danged thing ‘oozed’ all night, and I kept waking up to check on the bleeding. Now I knew, logically, that I’d not bleed to death from this little scooped out area of skin, but it made me a nervous wreck, even though I took an extra xanax.

The thing that ‘gets to me’ about this kind of situation is: what do I do now??? If I called this doc, he’d just tell me to come to the office. I don’t have a car. I can’t get disabled transit back to the doc unless I schedule two days ahead of time and spend ANOTHER $9. My wheelchair is not safe enough right now, to take the public bus, even to the local Urgent Care.

And I had the annual HUD inspection looming later today. Then I am scheduled to FINALLY get my wheelchair repaired (ordered part arrived – after two months) on Friday; I have to go spend five hours out there. So just when and how would I get medical attention?

The answer is, I don’t! It will just have to ‘ooze’ and I’ll change the dressing every 4 – 6 hours, putting a thick coating of an antibiotic ointment that I happened to have on hand, on the dressing in the hopes of preventing infection and plugging up that little hole in my fat old leg.

If it’s still doing its thing on Saturday, my wheelchair will have been fixed, and I can take the bus to Urgent Care.

By the way, I will NOT be going back to THAT Dermatologist; he not only doesn’t know how to cauterize, but paid no attention to my diabetic tendency to infections.

This brings me around to ‘it is my own fault’, as I haven’t been able to get to the Hematologist for the required blood work/treatment. In fact, I am way past due. My hemoglobin & hematocrit could be sky high as far as I know (it is definitely UP, or I wouldn’t bleed like this.)

And can ANYONE out there explain this HH tendency to bleed (has NOTHING to do with Pro-Times, etc) to me?

Rug Cleaning Day

It happens every year during late August or September. My carpet gets cleaned, gratis the owners, in celebration of the yearly, soon to come HUD inspection.

This year it was particularly difficult, though I’m probably in the best shape (medically), that I’ve been in for awhile, as I have no current ‘housekeeper’.

For some reason, probably because I’m mainly in a wheelchair, stuff in this place tends to gravitate to floor level. It’s amazing how much stuff has to be hauled up on top of other stuff so that the carpet can be cleaned; the cat scratch box, the box of cat toys, my change jar, doorstops, my chair recharger, and on and on...

I tried to do the preparations myself, but soon got overtired, overworked, and overwhelmed. So I paid a neighbor cash to help me out.

So a white van pulled up in front of the building, and a nice guy with a slight French accent, (turns out he moved here from France more than a decade ago) started dragging out hoses. This guy, Allen, I’d not met before; too bad, because he did an excellent job, pre-treating, and taking the time to do as much of the carpet as he could in a meticulous fashion.

Thus, here I am, the day AFTER the carpet cleaning, sitting here looking at this nice clean carpet and all this stuff piled on couch, tables, dresser etc., that needs to be again placed where it usually lives. It’s gonna be a long time, I think, as I have no more ‘cash’ to hire someone to help me.

Makes me tired just looking at it all.

My Avon Comb

I reached for it and somehow, perhaps because I was not paying attention, it slipped out of my grasp. I watched as it fell the 4 or so feet from the shelf to the floor.

Imagine my surprise when I bent over and picked it up to find that it had broken! The last fourth of the handle just kind of flopped around as I held it. The broken section was still attached to the rest of the comb, but barely.

I held it together with the palm of my hand as I combed my hair and wondered if gluing it back together would work. I loved that comb. My heart was broke.

It was not until the next day that I remembered the claims that Avon had made when I purchased the comb and brush (which had disappeared mysteriously, never to be seen again.) That is right, unbreakable!

I found myself wondering if Avon would replace my comb, as it had broken, proving their claims wrong. But then, I had not the slightest idea where the receipt was. I am not good at keeping those kinds of things. I wondered if they would honor their claim without a receipt. I doubted it.

This morning, I grabbed another, not as good, not as comfortable in my hand, not a blue, comb. It worked as well as my Avon comb but was definitely an unsatisfactory experience. One I knew I would have to get used to if I could. Still, it is difficult to break with an item you have been using for 23 years...

The Sisters

Lucy (red collar), and Ethel (black collar) are now two and a half years old. They have grown from very sick kittens to healthy, mature cats, though they remain on the small side.

But I seldom use their 'names' anymore. I just call the 'the sisters', or big sister (Lucy) and little sister (Ethel).

Well, mostly healthy. I really cannot say they have the ‘health’ of a typical housecat. For one thing, they BOTH have allergies, different of course! Lucy will get terrible sneezes and runny eyes at certain times of the year when she sits in the open window. Ethel gets severe asthma if she eats anything with salmon in it. The first time this happened, I thought I was going to have to figure out how to do kitty mouth to mouth. The second time, I was able to ‘link’ the severe asthma attack to her having JUST eaten cat food with salmon in it. Needless to say, we do not eat salmon around here any more!

Though they are very much alike, they have differences. Lucy is the larger, has shorter hair, and is the ‘boss’. She is more sedate, klutzy, and loves to cuddle at my feet in bed at night. Ethel is the clown, the acrobat, and plays, plays, plays. She is also the ‘talker’ and sometimes drives me nuts with her complaining, nagging, crying if there is something she wants, RIGHT NOW!

Both are fussy eaters. Lucy eats mainly dry food, Deli-Cat, and a couple of other Purina flavors. Ethel wants her ‘fresh’ dinner at sunset every night.

Food has been a major source of frustration for me. I have tried every canned, pouch, (even the expensive stuff) food available. Sometimes they will ‘nibble’ at it, sometimes they will sniff it and walk away.

But after two years, that problem has been solved. Ethel showed me! I had purchased and made a sandwich of that thin sliced chicken. You know the kind, it’s in a ‘one serving’ package. It was good too!

The next morning I found that Ethel had gotten the package out the trash (without turning it over) and left the empty package right in front of my chair. Without much thought, I tossed it back in the trash. Well, Ethel came out of the bedroom like a shot! She again got the package out of the trash, and literally carried/drug it around until I finally took it outside. But by then, I had the message!

I now no longer buy ‘moist’ or canned cat food. I buy good quality thin sliced, beef, chicken, turkey, and ham. I try to get brands that have nothing else added. And I think it’s cheaper in the long run. Even a small package lasts three days. Every evening now, I cut up a few slices of this in small pieces, and they gobble it up!

Tonight, I only had a few pieces of sliced ham left, and I wanted a sandwich! So I fixed them their dinner using only one slice, and made me a sandwich. Well, I had counted wrong. There was ONE slice of meat left in the package, which I had tossed up top of the Toaster Oven.

It was not long after we had eaten that Lucy lugged this BIG almost empty package with one thin slice of ham left in it, to me and literally dropped it in front of my feet, looking at me accusingly. I checked the kitchen, and sure enough, their dinner bowel was empty. I laughed the entire time I was fixing that last slice of ham for the Sisters that were waiting impatiently at my feet.

Walking and thinking and feeling

This beautiful summer evening, I took a long, leisurly walk (ride, really, in my wheelchair) around the apartment complex just as it was getting dark.

As always, I feel melancholy, sad, for unknown reasons at dusk, it has been this way for me for as long as I can remember. For years and years, I did not understand this sudden onset of daily, timed, ‘depression’. Finally, in recent years, I have come to realize that it is just part & parcel of Seasonal Affective Disorder; it is some kind of strong physical into emotional reaction in me to the sun going down, the day ending.

Even though I had spent the day alone, going out, in the fresh air, turned my thoughts inward, to myself. I am so pleased with myself, with my ‘progress’ so to speak. In spite of unimaginably high hurdles, I am not only OUT of bed, but also I am OUT of my wheelchair when in my apartment. I have lost 50 pounds, and am struggling to lose more. I have eBooks for sale at online retailers. I finally (after years of knowing I needed one and fighting to get it) have an insulin pump, and I am seeing real results in many ways, some of them expected, some are surprises.

Still, I beat myself up. It has been three years since I was literally ‘bed bound’ from the fatigue of Hereditary Hemochromatosis. I have come a long way since then. I still harbor resentment in losing almost 10 years out of my life. But at 60 I am acutely aware of time’s passing, and how little time there is left to do what I want to do. And I want to do a lot!

After realizing that, I can only do what I can do. Limited by the lack of health, energy, and cash, my life moves along much slower than I would choose, so I ‘push’ the river.

Though my evening ‘walk’ was totally introspective, I enjoyed every minute of it. It no longer makes me envious, as it did 4 or 5 years ago, to see other people living their lives. A pleasant realization.

I cruised by the crystal blue pool, watched some people swimming for a few minutes, and felt no envy, nor self-pity. These wonderful changes and successes in my life in the past three years, have led me to think, hmmm how, and when can I do that?

CozmoPumpers!

Well, I have gone and done it; started a YahooGroup for Deltec Cozmo Insulin Pumpers! I hope that it will eventually be large enough to share lots of info, yet small enough to be 'personal'.


If you would like to join: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/CozmoPumpers/
Or send a blank email to: CozmoPumpers-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

My new Cozmo Insulin Pump is here!

MediCare/MediCal finally realized that I was not going to shut up (they were right, I’d have appealed a negative decision on this up through the hearing and court levels) until they approved it and so a large cardboard box arrived via the brown truck today. I knew it was arriving, but I was afraid to mention it until I actually had it in my possession. I did not want to ‘jinx’ it!

I unpacked it, boy what a lot of strange looking stuff! (And I am very experienced with insulin and glucose meters!). As I was opening different boxes of equipment, just to look, I had to wonder if I would ever master it. Looks like it is going to take a lot of learning! But, of course, I will!

In fact, I am excited! Perhaps I will, at last, get my blood glucose under control. It has been a struggle for long years to get to here, losing almost 60 pounds (I was told my diabetes would either go away or get better with even a small weight loss. Hah!), trying different oral medications with the insulin I was taking, and lastly, Byetta. (For which I am still taking medications for Urticaria!)

Still, I think the Cozmo Insulin pump and equipment came with more ‘paper’ and manuals then you used to get with a new computer, and including two CD ROMs. I briefly read the ‘quick start, stuff, but I haven’t installed the software nor watched the tutorial yet, let alone read any of the manuals in depth.

Of course, it came with a ‘discreet’ ‘catalog’ list of accessories I could buy, if I had the bucks. I actually do not think an upload cable ($59), nor a case ($18), are accessories. I think they may be necessities. (As are a couple of paperbacks I will need to buy.) Looks like I’m going to be ‘pump poor’ for a few months.

But I don’t care. I am so excited! I am finally looking at a real improvement in my quality of life as far as Diabetes is concerned. There is even evidence now that some of the problems of Diabetes that I have developed, (Gastroparesis, neuropathy, frequent infections) can improve with good blood sugar control.

There have been so many, many fights with doctors, insurance, etc. this past 10 years. And with all the rare (and life threatening) difficult health issues I have had, Diabetes has often had to take a back seat. This was not because it medically should have, but because I am not a ‘monied’ person, and can only fight one fight at a time. (Had I had my ‘druthers’, I would have purchased a pump 10 years ago!)

I have my first appointment with the Cozmo Diabetes Educator tomorrow afternoon! Yes!

D O W DOW

D – O – W DOW!

If you are old enough to remember the stereo wars, raise your hand!

That media campaign, the fight for business by various stereo retailers drove me nuts! You could not pick up a newspaper or magazine without every other page being a full-page ad. And television and radio were almost impossible, commercial after commercial after loud, stupid commercial (this was BEFORE those terrific remote ‘mute’ buttons).

There was even a time when I wondered if anything else was being sold in America! The stereo ‘wars’ seemed to last forever, in fact I think it was at least a couple of years. By then you would have thought that everyone in the country would have had purchased several of them, one for each room. I thought it would never end.

I actually thought I’d never be as irritated or aggravated by ANY ad campaign again. Not so!

The ED, Erectile Dysfunction ads have filled that void. They are everywhere, all the time. There is no escape from seeing heterosexual middle-aged couples of all races, but only of upper classes, be touchy-feely for 60 seconds. Gag! (No pun intended!)

Not to mention that this class of drugs, by their very nature, discriminate against women. Do not women get diabetes or high blood pressure, or high cholesterol and experience a diminished sex drive and response? Of course they do. But no one cares about the female aspect of aging and sexuality, except women, and they do not have nearly the $$$ to spend on pharmaceuticals as do men!

It also irks me that the focus of these ads (indeed, of our society in general now) are on ‘having sex’. Whatever happened to making love? Surely, the romantic middle-aged couples featured in these ads make love, they’d probably never conceive (pun intended!) of such a relationship bonding act as simple sex...

The clincher, for me, of this massive media campaign is the listing of the many side effects of these drugs. They include but are not limited to: blushing (these ads make me blush!), feeling feint when going from a sitting to standing position, (hell, every time I stand, I feel feint, and it’s been that way for years now!), and lastly, if you experience an erection lasting more than four hours, seek immediate medical help (actually, if you experience an erection lasting longer than hour, give ME a call!).

Bladder Biopsy Results

I have been remiss on filling everyone in; I have been too busy basking in ‘relief’.

For the first time in the last five years, my bladder biopsies came back negative! All four previous procedures came back: Transitional Cell Carcinoma T1G3 – one ‘stage’ short of total removal of my bladder.

I was absolutely blown away. (Even my doc was surprised!) I had been dreading further treatment, been making plans for such though. Suddenly, all the worry and planning was moot!

Now, I have the next 6 months of summer to actually enjoy in ‘freedom’ before I have to go in for another office ‘poke & peek’ (cystoscopy), and whatever may then follow. I intend to take advantage of it. I have to admit that for me, the unusual feelings of calm and ‘normalcy’ is more than rare.

This does not mean that I will slack up on my health issues. NO! In fact, this ‘breather’ from cancer will provide the chance I need to better tend to health issues like diabetes, weight loss, keeping that Hemoglobin down to make sure my liver isn’t further damaged by Hereditary Hemochromatosis. And I will continue the ‘program’ I’ve developed for myself (and with my docs approval) to deal with the bladder cancer.

Basking is great! Basking is good! And I’m gonna do just that, including swimming, reading some good books (mysteries, poetry, memoirs), listening to some of my favorite music (modern classical & classic rock), and going to the pier! Just as soon as I pick the next project to work on (the mystery I think) and set a date to start writing again...

Same Day Surgery Perks?

Speaking of same day surgery, wouldn't you think in this day & age, when you are discharged from a Same Day Surgery Unit, you would be given a video of your procedure as a 'keepsake'? (I did get to watch some of it on the monitor as it was happening-but was a little drugged at the time.)

Post TURB #5

Today I finally found the strength to shower, order some groceries for delivery tomorrow, and get on the computer to bitch and moan to cyberpals a bit. This was all done between a lot of sitting and napping.

Though in reality, I am at that 'weepy' stage of stress recovery and am just feeling that I would like to get off this merry-go-round.

All this stuff is so hard to do when you live alone, when you do not even have anyone close by (or far away for that matter) that gives a damn. The only person who will make you a cuppa or hand you a Tylenol, or feed the cats, is you...

Makes that cup of coffee you managed to make, and sitting in your chair, in your own living room in front of the TV you managed to turn on, and trying to keep the cats off your sore belly, and letting that x-tra strength Tylenol and Xanax have time to work, seem like real miracles.

And bless the neighbor, Mary, who picked me up in her wheelchair van to bring me home last night, then bought me over some dinner.

Bladder Cancer

Yesterday I had a Same Day Surgery; a TURB, or Cystoscopy with biopsies (2). That makes the fifth in 5 years, but it has been almost 4 years since the last one. I’ve been lucky.

Of course, I have to wait for the results. Lurking deep in my mind is the unthinkable thought that perhaps NOW there is ‘muscle invasion’ where before there had been none. My Bladder Cancer has remained, so far, T1G3, which has meant that I have gotten to retain my bladder.

Still, waiting is not as difficult as it used to be, did not think it would ever happen, but I have gotten used to waiting, in a whole lot of life areas.

In fact, the waiting is a lot easier than going through these procedures. They always knock me for a loop! You would think that because its ‘same day’ that it would be something really, really, easy on you in every way; kind of like going to the dentist.

Not!

First of all it takes a couple of days for all the drugs they gave me to leave my system (They always give me too much, too big of doses, of just about everything, as if I were a 6ft 30 year old male!).

Then getting over the 'stress' of the whole 'same day' thing; the fasting, (I think the lack of salt & fluids causes a lot of my physical discomfort-because of my strange endo probs) arranging transit, no smoking, the 'hurry up & wait', etc takes me a few days to recover from.

And NOW they don't want me to take insulin the morning of, or oral diabetics for 24 hrs prior to the surgery, so I go in with a high blood sugar, (which definitely adds to my discomfort) and it takes me a couple days, at least, afterwards to stabilize THAT. (For one thing, you can’t be suffering brain fog to do this!)

This time I had an extra special treat! The anesthetist that administered the spinal gave me a drug that was supposed to be shorter acting; I was supposed to be able to start moving my legs after just an hour or two. (It did not work that way, legs just barely started working 4 hrs later.) On top of which, he gave me (I found out the day after when he called to check on me) Lidocaine to accomplish this goal.

Well, turns out Lidocaine is KNOWN for causing "Transient Radicular Irritation.” You can do a Google on it, but what it mean is PAIN, sometimes severe (I can vouch for that) in the lower back and legs. It starts several hours after the spinal wears off and can last a couple of days or a week, tapering off all the while. Oh, and then there's the pins & needles effect. Well, this HIT me as I was sitting outside in the dusk (8pm or so) waiting for my ride home. And I still have some intermittent pain/pins & needles in both legs.

So goes the fun...

Family Pictures Done!

I cannot believe it! I finally, finally, finished scanning all the family pictures, over 1000 of them! I scanned them, labeled them, and sorted them into subjects and family surnames (Garrett, Estes, Suydam, Harris, etc.).

After I relax for a bit, will start scanning what documents I have!

Byetta Reaction?

From the first injection of Byetta, I felt as if I were having a very minor allergic reaction. With each injection (and I took it for 7.5 months), I would feel exactly as I do when I eat an only an egg on an empty stomach – yucky. Twice a day for months, I felt as if I needed to take some Benadryl, though I did not.

I spoke to my doc about it several times. I called Byetta a couple of times; asking if Byetta was made, or derived from, eggs or egg products, each time I inquired, I got a negative reply.

Other Byetta users were reporting a ‘yucky’ feeling after taking an injection of Byetta. Because of these ‘other’ reports, I just considered it one more mild side effect and I ignored this little problem in the excitement of seeing lower blood glucose numbers and weight loss.

About halfway through the 7.5 months I took Byetta, my back started itching. And I mean itching, intensely. I eventually ended up with a backscratcher in each room. Still, I did not think too much of it, as it was ONLY my back itching. The itching was bad enough however, that I did report it to my doc.

About this same time, my eyes (I suffer from dry ‘eyes’ anyway) became irritated and itchy. I went to the Ophthalmologist, was diagnosed with ‘allergic conjunctivitis’ and put on twice daily eye drops.

After I had stopped taking Byetta, I again reported my intensely itching back to my doc, this time I was referred to a Dermatologist where I was diagnosed with chronic Urticaria. I am now taking several anti-histamines and Atarax for the itching.

No one sees the connection between taking Byetta and the Chronic Urticaria, or the general allergic condition I seem to be suffering from now, but me! Indeed, there may not even be a connection, except in my own head.

I have been an ‘allergic’ person all my life; it has taken many forms, from anaphylactic shock to small rashes. I personally believe that this is just another one. That I had a low-level allergic reaction to Byetta and that it became chronic over the time I used Byetta. I should have listened to my own body!

Hanging Shoes

There are things that I just do not yet understand, I admit it. A pair of shoes, tied together by the laces, and flung over some telephone wire is one of them.

I watched just such a pair of shoes, about a block down the street from my apartment. Those shoes remained dangling from that high wire during sun and storm, fog and mist, month after month. Maybe even year after year.

Then one day, with a start, I noticed they were gone. Where they went, who or how they were removed remains just as much of a mystery as to why they were there in the first place, or who put them there. It was odd, but I actually seemed to miss them.

Recently while watching a T.V. movie, there was just such a pair of shoes, hanging from a high wire, in one scene. It reminded me that this ‘shoe’ phenomenon seems to have faded into the past, and that the movie I was watching was not a new production.

But it also reminded me that I didn’t have a clue as to what the ‘hanging shoe thing’ was all about to being with. I wanna know!

Insulin Pump

Insulin Pump

It has been exactly one month today since I stopped the Byetta, and got a prescription for an Insulin Pump. Of course, the pump is in insurance limbo. I do not expect to get a reply for another month, and as usual, if it is negative, I will appeal the decision. So I could be looking at months.

In the meantime, it is back to four injections per day. I have been following this regime for so long, I do not even mind too much. A pump would simplify it all so much though, not to mention, bring my numbers more into line, hopefully forestalling any new diabetic complications, and perhaps I would see an actual improvement of the ones I already have.

End of the month blues

The kitchen cupboards are mostly empty. As is the refrigerator. I am not going hungry. I have food: potatoes, carrots, onions, ramen, jello, peanut butter, and pasta. And the all-important coffee! Just yesterday, I spent my last $10 on milk, eggs, margarine, and bread.

The problem is I can’t really go to the kitchen and prepare a balanced, low calorie, low fat, diabetic meal or snack. I can have toast and eggs, or a peanut butter sandwich, or boiled potatoes, carrots, and onions. 1% Milk for a beverage and in my coffee, and Jello for snacks. Not quiet a ‘diabetic’ menu, but as close to it as I can get under these circumstances. It gets frustrating, especially watching my blood sugars go up temporarily.

But it’s kinda like this at the end of each month, no matter how carefully I budget and shop, and I must say, I’ve gotten very good at doing both those things, otherwise I’d have nothing to eat!

Well, this is really depressing!

Scanning all these old pics is getting to me, though we’re coming up to the time of year when historically (since age 10!) I tend to get depressed; I usually start down in late June as the days begin to shorten, and vice versa in December. However, this past winter has not only had rain, but a dearth of sunshine; clouds and fog have obscured the sun, probably more often than not.

Then too, there are those old pictures and documents I’m sorting and scanning, and yes, posting to a site. (If you want the URL, please email me.) Each and every one, evoke a memory or feeling or both.

I think it would be easy to procrastinate on this project, but I am not. Just the opposite, I try to not look, not get involved in what I am scanning (though sometimes I have to, in order to come up with a name or date or address, etc.) but just gather a stack and run them through without getting emotionally involved. No easy trick, though I am scanning almost daily, but after over 500 items, it is getting more automatic.

I will be very glad when this self-imposed project is finished (Maybe I am half done?); the entire project keeps me in a frame of mind reminiscent of “All the dead dears” (Sylvia Plath).

I think I would rather be creating new poetry, or even new fiction, than reburying my dead, or perhaps that should be, finally burying my dead. Funerals are important, socially and emotionally, cathartic, even if depressing

John Jive (Horrigan) & Vince Labor

This is a copy of an email I sent to John & Vince today in preparation for John Jive's vacation to CA

***Been meaning to send both of you this for awhile. Of course, it IS a poem, and a 'compilation' at that, written many years ago! But I thought you'd both enjoy it; that it would stir some memories! Feel free to pass it on (Nancy, Alex, etc), but other than close friends, I'd actually prefer if they bought the eBook!

Hope that you two will be able to get together! For certain, I can't make it to LA. John, take a digital camera and take LOTS of pic! (I can put up a 'reunion' web page if you like.)


Southern Comfort


Many a night, we would gather, count
and pool our meager cash,
then make a last run to the liquor
store before it closed
to buy as many pints as we could.
Unwilling to wait for gratification,
or the promised comfort, we cracked
the first bottle while leaning against
the car in the store's parking lot.
We passed the bottle lovingly around,
actually a communion of sorts,
each taking in turn, a first sweet mouthful
and swallowing with a delighted shiver.
A ritual we'd developed over time
and practiced no matter the season.
One bottle quickly killed we'd crack
another and stash the remaining bottles
in the trunk of the car, for safety,
while on our way to somewhere.
Often, we went to the park, occupied
the swings that playing children
had no doubt, reluctantly left
a few short hours before. Or we hung
from the jungle gym never missing
a swig from the passing bottle
or a hit from the passing joint,
nor did we ever lose track of the talk.
We always dedicated each bottle
of Southern Comfort to one of us; musicians
actors, dancers, writers and poet,
and our ilk. Or to some current
and close to our hearts cause whenever
we thought of our social responsibilities,
which was frequent and melodramatic.
Social responsibilities as impacted by art,
that is. Therefore, we regularly solved
the major problems of the world.
But mostly we discussed our ideas of art,
and the social tragedy of being artists.
And we got drunk. And we got loaded.
To a person, we bravely laughed out loud
in the spectacular darkness, knowing how apt
we were to cry, scream, howl
in the light of the following day.
Out of those beautiful, strange nights,
those nights when we shared our souls,
each of us grew without knowing it.
During those Southern Comfort nights,
we bravely dissected our futility
to find it a manageable terror.
During those strange nights, the roads
each of us would eventually travel
were mapped out with precision.
And during those Southern Comfort nights,
uncountable poems were conceived;
sounds were found, styles developed.
So that now, those bastard conceptions,
as well as the ideas, and ethics,
of those incredible Southern Comfort nights,
today goad me to produce multitudes
of poems, sounds to keep me company
in my now sober, self-imposed isolation.
And sometimes, when the moon is full
or the night is consumed by storms;
that park pulls me, though it's hundreds
of long miles from here and now.
At those times, I can almost hear
those far-ago voices, and the laughter,
of my companions, my friends, my peers,
today scattered across a continent.
Oh, and I'd swear that I can taste, feel
the sweet burning sensation of
Southern Comfort coursing down my throat.

All rights reserved by evvy garrett

John Jive (Horrigan)

John Jive is in LA for the next four days. In fact, he's already there; I can feel him.

He's visiting from Boston where he's lived for the last 30 or so years now. He invited me to join him for a drink.

But I now longer drink. And getting to LA in a wheelchair, using public transportation (trains, busses), is extremely problematic, especially when poor!

I counter-invited him to rent a car and come for a visit. But I know he won't. Though I'd love to see him and hear about how his live has been.

I hope he does find a way to get to Long Beach to visit Vince Labor, who just had heart surgery. But I doubt that also.

John Jive was never one for putting himself out unless there was something in it for him...

Family Issues

This is a copy of an email I sent today to: Jon Suydam, Lisa (my children), Dale Taber, (half-brother), Roni Anderson & Linda Watterson (nieces). I can only hope that some of them DO forward it to other family members!

Please forward this to ANY interested parties! As I only have a 'few' family emails. So if someone could forward to Ann, Tracey, Marie, Bill, Bobbie, Karen, Kathy's adult children (I'd still like to have their full names), Bill Taber, etc, I'd appreciate it.

If u wish to print it out and send it to someone via snail mail, that is fine by me also! (And if you do any of the above, would u please let me know to whom you've sent it???) It is easier viewed/printed if you enlarge it. (John Oliver & Donna both had copies of this.)

Note MOTHER'S name, my birth place, (2110 Jefferson St.), that Irene claimed she'd had two other children (eliminating John Oliver), and had lived at that address 4 yrs.

After 60 yrs. I've never found a 'Kenneth' Estes! There were 3 Estes Brothers, one of which was Clyde, Aldine's husband. None of them were named Kenneth. (Aldine told me they 'made-up' this name. That she thought my father was an Italian guy Irene had been dating.)

This is 'part' of my family picture scanning project. And this will be included when pics are put online. I hope to have first 'stuff' up by this summer. (As soon as I choose a service and have the first 'yearly' fee for the site.)

I'll also put this stuff on CD's, for those that want them...Though they'll be downloadable from the site.

I have now scanned all of Aldine's Albums, (about 100 pics), am now working on her documents. Will soon start on my albums which start in 1966 (they include a lot of pics of Marie & Bill, Tracey, & Annie, some of Donna, none of Dale or Bobbie, and a lot of the Bob & Shirley Taber family.

PLEASE, if u have old pics/documents u want included, scan and email to me! I'd be more than happy to include them. BE SURE TO INCLUDE NAMES AND DATES!

Thanks!
Your aunt/sister

Back to Living

After about a week of pretty severe depression over Kathy's death, the lack of my family including me, and Russell's heart condition, I got back to scanning pictures today.

It seems even more important now...

Sister Kathy Dilly

My half-sister Kathy Dilly died today, at another half-sister, Marie Hards home.

Since no one in the immediate family contacted me; I got the news via email from a niece that cared enough to bother.

I don't know the actual cause of death. I do know that she'd been fighting Breast Cancer for several years.

I didn't know Kathy. We shared a childhood, but because of age (I was older by 7 yrs), and mile differences, had no adult relationship. Still, I mourn her loss deeply...

I know she left behind at least one daughter, Amy.

Grandson Russell Harris

Today I got a telephone call from Fran Harris - Russell Harris adoptive mother.

It seems that Russell has been hospitalized, at age 19, with heart failure and the docs do not yet know why.

I gave her our family medical history. And was so glad that I'd gotten in touch with them, as I'm now available to them for things like this.

I'm just so sorry that they are all the way across the country...

A New Do!

Finally, a day long break in the rain! Unfortunately, it wasn't any warmer, but it was at least sunny.

So I got outta here! Went to the Bank, Long’s Drugstore, and… got a haircut! Looks and feels good enough that I think I should NOT wait so long between visits to the salon.

Found Nieces!

This computer has been one of the most ‘vexing’ things in my life. But it’s also been a means to some major joy; to get reconnected with some old friends and family.

About a month ago, because of an entry in my blog, my sister Donna Carter-Cook’s, two adult daughters emailed me. What a joy! These are young women I lost touch with after they became adults. After my sister passed away from Liver Cancer, I thought I’d never be in touch with them again.

(It’s so difficult to ‘track’ women as they frequently have surname changes. And my remaining family is not exactly close!)

So now Roni Anderson, Linda Watterson, and I have exchanged all the important information needed to stay in touch. And ohhh, I have so many stories about their mother to share…

Family Pictures

I've been scanning the family pictures. I want to put them on a site so everyone involved may download what that want. And perhaps put them on CD's and mail to the grandkids. Once I'm gone, no one who really has any interest in these pictures would have immediate access to them, and the people who clean the apartment would just toss them in the trash bins. I've seen it happen!

But this little project is taking ALL my time and energy. I have three HUGE, stuffed full Albums comprising all my Mom's pictures, and mine. The earliest being ca 1900!

And then there's the documents I'd like to include. I don't have many, but what I do have, I want to share; they are so hard to find, and expensive to get once you do.

I actually started this project at the first of this year without really thinking through what I wanted to do, or how. That's when I scanned the oldest of my Mother's pictures. Then I kind of let it sit, while I cogitated on the 'whole' of it.

So now I've done that, feel I'm focused in on this project. And what a big project it is! I also had to come to the decision that it's important enough to set aside my other (writing), projects for a time. Besides it might actually fit into my 'MEMOIRS OF A MAD POET' project eventually...

Grandsons

Well, it’s been an interesting week end!

Michael Kiter
Yesterday afternoon one of my Grandsons, Michael Kiter called, then came over. He was having a dispute with his mother. Mike will be 18 this summer; and he wants all the advantages thereof, but none of the responsibilities. Now I haven’t seen this boy in 4 months, since he came by to pick up his Christmas present; but he was harboring the misconception that I’d ‘save’ him from his mother’s decision. That I’d let him stay here for at least a few days. I must have really disappointed him, as I told him he needed to go home and accept his mom’s decision! Haven’t heard from him since, though I asked him to call and let me know how it all worked out; I didn’t want to sit around and worry about him. I did call and leave a message on HIS cell (imagine that at 17!), he didn’t bother to return my call.

Christopher & Russell Harris
This afternoon, I called Christopher Harris to wish him a happy birthday. He’s 19 now!

I had to wait 18 years to contact these grandsons! Last year, legally, I was able to contact them. But their father answered the phone, neither boy was at home, and no one called me back.

This year, father again answered the phone, but didn’t ask who I was, and 19 year old Christopher (Chris!), was at home and came to the phone. The conversation was short (it was obvious he didn’t want to talk to me, but he was too polite to hang up). I accomplished my purpose, to make sure that they had my contact info, in case they ever wanted to get in touch with me. I let him know about his half-brother Michael visiting yesterday, and that I would be scanning his baby pictures into the family picture album, that I’d been there when he was born.

Wonder if he told his parents who’d called to wish him a happy birthday??? Contrary to what his adoptive parents might think, I’m NOT trying to usurp their parental position – but these are my grandsons and I didn’t sign any adoption papers!

A Winter Rain

It’s been one of the best afternoon’s I’ve had in a long time. And one I’ve been waiting far too long for. It rained; not sprinkles, not drizzle, not wind and thunder, just a normal Southern California, steady, winter rain. And best yet, I had nowhere I had to go, and nothing I had to get done. (Though I do love being out in the rain, my power wheelchair precludes such activities; WHY aren’t they totally waterproof???)

Not that it hasn’t rained lately, it has, but the rain has come pouring down in the middle of the night when about all you can see is it splattering against the windows. All that’s happened during the day this winter has been short lived sprinkles and drizzles. Not even lasting long enough to make a cup of coffee and get comfortable.

But this afternoon, it rained long and hard, for hours. So I spent the afternoon sitting in my new rocker, sipping on hot de-caf, reading a good mystery and stroking one cat or another. And watching the rain as it hit my patio and plants. I listened to it too, as it splattered the driveway and ran off the roof.

There are so many moments in life that are frightening, sad, uncertain or frantic, but a steady afternoon rain is an affirming life moment. Even if you’re out in it, driving or working, if you just take a few minutes to appreciate this gift of nature, a rain will help you in whatever ways you need help. A good daytime rain can center you, relax you, or you may even have an aha! moment and get a handle on something that’s been ‘sitting on your soul’ for awhile.

It’s still raining out as I write this, but night is falling, so visibly watching the falling rain is becoming impossible.

I would wish for all my friends, and relatives, a good rain tomorrow afternoon, and that they would TAKE the time to enjoy it…

Cheney and Quail

No wonder America is in such dire straights!

First Bush couldn’t find his weapons of mass destruction. Then his administration’s hotshot Homeland Security Office couldn’t find FEMA, and FEMA couldn’t find any problems immediately AFTER Katrina struck, even though it was all over television.

But Cheney mistaking an old coot for a quail, and spraying him with buckshot completes the picture. Then the White House NOT informing (AGAIN) the media about it till the next day clearly shows what this Republican Administration thinks of the American People. Bush and his minions think we’re too stupid to notice! And to dumb to do anything about it.

Well, like many others, I’ve noticed all these things, and will notice them all the way to the voting booth next election.

Cheney supposedly didn't have a 'quail' hunting sticker appended to his Texas Hunting License, wonder if Texas issues a 'human' hunting sticker??? Wonder if Cheney donates the quail to someone that can’t even afford to buy chicken?

It must be nice for the President and Vice-President to engage in these expensive gentry type amusements in their ‘off’ time. I mean, if they were like the rest of us they’d be clipping coupons and perusing grocery store sale flyers…

San Diego Smoking Bans

Life: San Diego Smoking Bans

When I first awoke this morning, I heard KOGO radio reporting that there will soon be a law or ordinance prohibiting smoking at all bus and trolley stops! Then I tried to find something about it on the City of San Diego site, and couldn't.

What, the poor who can't afford private cars to smoke in, are going to be punished for being poor? Again?

No smoking in the parks and beaches is bad enough! But it's not something that directly affects me as my wheelchair won't go to most of those places anyway. (btw, has the city never heard of ashtrays??? The majority of smokers would use them if they were available! I mean WHY are there just trashcans and not the combination trashcans and ashtrays that large business favors?

How about a 'Padres' give away of small personal 'silent butlers' in place of a baseball hat night? Though I no longer pay to go to padre games because there's not a smoking section in the OUTSIDE stadium!)

What exactly IS the new proposed 'no smoking' law or ordinance at bus stops going to entail? How many feet from the posted sign may I smoke? Is someone going to go around the city and paint yellow stripes on sidewalks around the poles that hold the bus stop signs so smokers will know how far away to stand?

Who is gonna 'police' such a law, cause if I just got out of a non-smoking meeting, and off a non-smoking bus, I am going to light up! And if written a 'ticket' what will the fine be??? Am I going to be arrested for smoking on the sidewalk, when it’s legal to smoke? Is anyone familiar with the word Prohibition? Are Japanese and European tourists going to be ticketed equally? This is all just crazy…

I am often at the Old Town Transit Center. I note there are benches, trashcans, porta-potties for the drivers, an info center, a coke machine, bike lockers, BUT NO ASHTRAYS. Gee wonder why cigarette butts end up on the ground???

You know, it's a case of 'give them an inch'! Forty years ago, as a smoker, I was a front line ADVOCATE of the first non-smoking laws: banning smoking in movie theaters, grocery stores, and elevators. But I now think the fine people of California and specifically San Diego City and surrounding areas, have lost their minds.

It has come to the point as it is that I do not patronize places where I can not smoke, the very few businesses that have outside smoking areas get my money. And I AM going to smoke on the sidewalks, as there are very few places where I can smoke.

Two years from now is San Diego going to pass an ordinance against super-size meals??? Or eating while sitting on a bus bench? Or that children HAVE to exercise one hour per day?

I am really concerned about this and other personally intrusive 'unenforceable' laws. Instead of new laws, (more restrictive for the generally law abiding citizen), how about enforcing the laws currently ON the books, i.e. no littering, drunk in public, etc. We don’t NEED new laws, we need current laws enforced!

(PS I would gladly become a non-smoker, but I can not afford the monthly price of the nicotine substitutes, the inhalers or lozenges are NOT covered by MeidCare/MediCal, nor the state of CA NoButts Program!!! Go figure...)

Eye Stuff

Well, today I had my eyes ‘done’! No not what you’d think. I had permanent ‘plugs’ inserted into my lacrimal glands, to help keep my eyes from drying out.

(I had a set of temporary ones put in about 6 weeks ago, and they worked great.)

So since this little, minor, in office procedure was scheduled, the eye doc and I decided the little growths I had around my eyelashes had to go. (And good riddance; they often caused intense itching and ingrown eyelashes!)

So today this was all done. There was minimal pain and discomfort. I can’t wash around my eyes for a couple of days, have to apply an antibiotic ointment 3 x day for five days, take Tylenol for discomfort, and watch for any signs of infection. And in a few days I’ll be all healed, and my poor ‘dry eyes’ will not cause nearly the problems they have during the past few years.

BUT, I just looked in the mirror; I have ‘black’ swollen eyes!!!! Owell, this too shall pass, and my baby blues will be in better shape than ever…

Kitty Kaviar

The girls have found a treat that they really love! They’ve always been picky eaters, even in the treat department. But now, forget about the nibbles, the crunchies, the anti-tarter stuff – the sisters want Kitty Kaviar!!!

Kitty Kaviar is parchment-paper thin, dried flakes of Bonita! Pure FISH, there’s no additives or preservatives, just fish. Made right here in San Diego, it comes in a can with its own reusable lid and doesn’t require refrigeration.

It does require, however, storing on a high shelf, behind a door the girls can’t open. I’ve found them with the Kitty Kaviar can on the floor, rolling it around, hoping somehow that they’d find a way to open it, more that once! (Can you imagine all that dried fish spread out on your carpet?)

The first time I purchased Kitty Kaviar from Pet People our closest pet store; I thought it was outrageously expensive. But not so! Because if you give them just a little ‘treat’ at a time, a can of Kitty Kaviar lasts much longer than I’d expected. And Lucy & Ethel, are happy cats!

Check out Kitty Kaviar at: http://www.kittykaviar.com/

MedicareD

And this is helping me how???

So far this month, I’ve paid $44 for medications that were not covered by my new MedicareD prescription coverage.

In fact, I’ve had to spend many hours on the phone with my two pharmacies, University Compounding Pharmacy and Galloway’s Pharmacy. At least at both pharmacies I got to talk to real people who not only understood my problem buy empathized.

My dozens of phone calls to Healthnet-Orange produced nothing but stress and anger. Every single time I called, I got a recording stating that call volume was too heavy for them to accept any more calls. Bang, it automatically hung up!!!!

(Excuse me Washington, shouldn’t this all have been ironed out, these providers all set up to go before these plans were put into action???)

For an excellent article on how MedicareD is affecting the elderly and disabled in San Diego, California, read this: http://news.yahoo.com/s/kgtv/20060114/lo_kgtv/3190190